Skoal: The Grundy County Auction Spitting Incident (Parody 'Sold: The Grundy County Auction Incident' - John Michael Montgomery)

(Chris Clark/Richard Fagan/Cledus T. Judd/Robb Royer)

Sadie, pull this car over.
Let me get a can of skoal.

Well, I went down to the Grundy county auction:
The sign said no tobacco where we sat.
My wife told me that I should spit with caution,
Or else we'll all wind up in a big ol' spat.

And I said: "Hush your mouth, no body's gonna mind,
"If I pack my lip and ignore the sign.
"'Cos a little bit of skoal never hurt no one at all."
And I've never seen anyone get so mad,
From a little bit of spit on his John Deere hat,
When I spit on him once and I spit on him twice,
Spit skoal on the fellow in the second row.
Well, he turned around and nearly broke my nose.
I got a big fat lip and two black eyes:
Should have just went and dipped outside.

Well, it must have been about eight or nine more minutes,
Until I pulled that can of skoal back out.
And I knew when I put my fingers in it,
That I'd just spit it out amongst the crowd,
Look out!

And ya know, I really don't care if anybody mind,
A pinch between ya' cheek and ya' gum is not a crime,
So I'll do my spitting and the heck with the rest of y'all.
Well, I've never saw people getting so danged mad:
Worst county auction they've ever had.
'Cos I spit on 'em once and spit on' em twice:
Spit skoal on the people, well I must confess.
I even got a little on a ladies white dress.
But in the end they got me back you see:
They all took a dip and spit on me.

Well, they pinned me down on the auction block,
And took my skoal away.
And the town still hates to talk about the mess,
That was made that day when I said:

"Hush your mouth, no body's gonna mind,
"If I pack my lip and ignore the sign.
"'Cos a little bit of skoal never hurt no one at all."
Well, I never saw people getting so durned mad:
The worst county auction they've ever had.
'Cos I spit on 'em once and spit on' em twice:
Spit skoal on the people, well I must confess.
I even got a little on a ladies white dress.
Should've swallowed my dip, swallowed my pride.
Shoulda just went and spit outside.

Whew.
Boy, that was hard.