Cledus Went Down To Florida

Cledus went down to Florida, he was lookin' for a car to steal
He was in a bind, ten payments behind, so the bank reposed his wheels
When he came across this old man down at Jalopy's Used Car Lot
Then Cledus jumped up on the top of one and said

"Feller, let me tell ya what, now I'm not gonna be proud of the deed
I'm 'bout to do, well, no time to spare, I gotta be somewhere
So I'm gonna steal a car from you, now I've seen you're selection here
And I admit the pickings are few I know the Pintos gold
But consider it stoled 'cause I got a show to do"

The man said, "My name's Jalopy"
As he gave an evil grin
'Cause he knew that car wouldn't get too far
For the motor blew up again

Cledus you better hit the road if you're gonna be a star
The shows way up in Georgia, and you're opening up for Garth
You're future's ridin' on this shiny Pinto painted gold
And if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show

Oh gosh, a Pinto my foot
It drives more like a horse and buggy, dern

Cledus said, "No way in heck he's gonna open up that show"
Then fire flew from the manifold as his right front tire blowed
Then he pushed that wreck across the street, 'n man was Cledus tissed
And he tried 'n tried to start 'er up, but it sounded somethin' like this

Come on, come on, oh gosh, I'm in a mess
What am I gonna do?
My one big shot for Garth Brooks
Oh dern it

When Cledus opened up the hood
He said, "I'll be a son of a gun"
And it didn't take long to figure out
Why the heck it wouldn't run

Fire from the engine, lots of smoke
He can already hear them redneck jokes
Dad blamed oil pan layin' in the road
Will he make the show? Heck no, heck no

Taxi, Greyhound, yeller cab, somebody
I'll show him a redneck
He'll have a red neck
When I get my hands around his throat
I'm sick of it

Cledus shook his head as he watched Foxworthy's show
And he heard him joke of how he passed a burnin' old Pinto
Then later on, Garth told Cledus, "You'll never get the chance again"
As he gave the check to that derned redneck
Who drove a Mercedes Benz

He said, "Tough break big guy before I go
Would ya like to hear another redneck joke?
Did you know I got my own TV show?"
Well, does anybody watch it? No, heck no

Well, you might be a redneck
If your momma and daddy catches ya out behind the barn
Whippin' Jeff Foxworthy for talkin' about rednecks all time
Ah shoot, I'm just kiddin' Jeff
I wished I could be your best friend
Do you like me? I'd love to be on your TV show
Come here to me