Please Take The Girl

Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin'
If he'd just dig the bait
He said, "Get lost, Dad, I'm watchin' mud wrestling
Go jump in the lake

Why don't you take that neighbor girl?
The one that favors our dog"
His dad said, "Son, she might sink the boat
She weighs more than our hog"

And Arnie said, "She's got a tackle box
That you'd kill for a Zebco rod and reel
She won the Junior Bass Masters Tourney
And I just ate oatmeal, and I'm afraid I might hurl
Daddy, please, please take the girl"

I'd rather take a cane and then go fishin'

Same limey boy, same large girl
Eleven years with no date
They finally married when they both realized
They'd get a big tax break

One night at the laundrymat washin' underwear
A stranger pulled a water-gun
Arnie soiled another pair and whimpered

"Ain't got no money in my wallet
She's got the credit cards
But they're all run up over the limit
Won't get you very far

And though her hair's up in curls
And she looks like Milton Burle
She ain't wearin' fake pearls
Mister please, please, please take the girl"

Well, she ain't bad
When she gets a couple of coats of
That cold cream on her and a sack over her head

A toothless Arnie, a whale of a woman
Forty years down the tune
One day they found him with a shotgun
Buck-naked on the roof

Doctor's said, "He's lost his mind
We'll have to take him away"
As they strapped that straight jacket on him
Someone heard him say, he babled out loud

"If you'd lived with her, long as I have
You'd be slap crazy too
She's the one that's really a psycho
More than a few screws loose
She's nutty as a squirrel
Doctor, please, please take the girl"

Get her outta here!

Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin'
If he'd just dig the bait
Is it Tim McGraw or John Anderson
I'm trying to imitate

Sorry Tim