270 Somethin'

You know a man does have to eat him somethin'

I love candy bars, eat them all the time
My combo meal's are super sized
And I crave the stuff they put inside those dang ding dongs

My cholesterol is off the chart
I keep a blood pressure cuff on my left arm
Doctor says that, My poor heart won't last too long
My nickname in school was double wide
'Cause my momma fried

Now I weigh 270 somethin'
Always huffin' and puffin
Lay around the house all day
No wonder I can't lose no weight

See that pizza on the TV
Oh man' don't it look cheesy
You know they deliver here for nothin'
That's why I weigh 270 somethin'

My insurance said that they'd Co pay
I made the same appointment Carnie Wilson made
Plastic surgeon said he had a way to get those love handles off
He stapled and sucked stuff through a tube

I lost a hundred pounds in one afternoon
When I came to in the recovery room, wouldn't much left of me
When he removed the bandages from my thighs
I couldn't believe my eyes

Now I weigh 180 somethin'
Didn't have to do much of nothin'
I'm lookin' like Jean Claude Van Dame
To fit in a pair Mark Wills' pants

Now everyone who sees me
Can't believe that I'm so skinny
My body fat is nearly nothin'
Now that I weigh 180 somethin'

Now I date a model with a GED
But do you think she'd be with me
I wonder if I

Still weighed, 270 somethin'
Stuffin' down blueberry muffins
Onion rings and cans of SPAM
That's how I got so fat

Now everyone who sees me
Can't believe that I'm so skinny
I used to break a sweat just doin' nothin'
Back when I weighed 270 somethin'

Now I weigh 180 somethin'

Well it's probably like more like around 225-26
None of y'all's business how much I weigh