Ricky Tidwell's Mama Is Gonna Play Football

Uh, Ricky Tidwell was a great athlete
He was a big strong boy that was quick on his feet
And every college in the country wanted Ricky blocking on their line
But when the scouts came knocking on Ricky's door
They didn't want to talk to young Rick no more
When they saw his mama she's the one they wanted to sign

She was a real bold woman raised on a farm
Had Bear Bryant tattooed on her forearm
She was meaner than heck ran the 40 in 4.3
Well she could squat 600 bench press 5
The hands down meanest homemaker alive
Got a scholarship playing linebacker in the SEC

Ricky Tidwell's mama is gonna play football
Her real name's Doris but they're gonna call her Too Tall
She's got shoulders and a hind end four foot wide
Going to college on a full ride
Mrs. Tidwell's wouldn't play in the NC-double-A

She would wash all her team mates uniforms
Tucked everybody in in the football dorms
Cooked the game meal, say the Lord's prayer
You're missing a jockstrap? She's got a spare
Crawled in the huddle, and called all the plays
The only one tough enough to go both ways
Yeah, her mouth full of mud, scoured up knees
Cussing out the coaches and the referees

Ricky Tidwell's mama's gonna play football
Her real name's Doris
Everybody calls her Too Tall
They say she's a fine young man but she's really not
She's the master of the cheap shot
And on the triple option play she'd ruin your day

She led the team in tackles and the league in sacks
Responsible for killing nine running backs
But the school's reputation was destroyed
They accused Ricky's mama of steroids
(I thought that woman was awful stout)

Oh Ricky Tidwell's mama's on probation
Well the college has started an investigation
They wouldn't leave poor Ricky Tidwell's mama alone
Said she'd been takin' male hormones
Mrs. Tidwell's gonna do well
In the NFL

Ricky Tidwell's mama
(15 yard penalty, illegal use of a clothesline)
Ricky Tidwell's mama
(Can I have your autograph ma'am)
Ricky Tidwell's mama
(Or is that sir)
Ricky Tidwell's mama