Assumption Song

There was an old farmer who lived on a rock
He sat in the meadow just shaking his
Fist at some boys who were down by the crick
Their feet in the water, their hands on their
Marbles and play things and at half past four
There came a young maiden, she looked like a
Pretty young creature, she sat on the grass
She pulled up her dress and she showed them her
Ruffles and laces and a white fluffy duck
She said she was learning a new way to
Bring up her children so they would not spit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling
Refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellow down by the dock
He looked like a man with a sizable
Home in the country, with a big fence out front
If he asked her politely she'd show him her
Little pet dog who was subject to fits
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tender hands with a movement so quick
And then she'd bend over and suck on his
Candy so tasty, made of butterscotch
And then he'd spread whipped cream all over her
Cookies and pastries she had down on her shelf
If you think this is dirty you can go fuck yourself