Richard I'm Dying

[Verse][jD]
Richard, I'm sorry, do you hear me when i whisper?
I've aged a couple years and grown a lot more bitter,
life hasn't really worked out for me,
hope its worked out for you and the family,
Cause for us fuck man its been a long haul,
with out bad luck aint no luck at all,
I miss you man, more then you could ever understand,
we both had it rough, but you had it bad,
I'm hoping that your holding on, cause I'm not,
I'm hoping that your doing well, cause I'm not,
couple weeks ago, the weeks went slow,
picked up the pills and my weakness showed,
I'm addicted, started four years back,
but no need for bullshit the past is the past,
i wish i had a number an address to reach you,
in all honesty, ill probably never see you,
last time we talked two years back,
on the phone for ten minutes, ten lousy fucking minutes,
It breaks my heart, I hope to know it breaks the both of ours,
you cried, then I cried,
I love her and i miss her, she was everything to you,
she did everything for me too, I missed the funeral,
I prayed that night,
I prayed every other night for the rest of my life,
Richard, what if I told you I'm dying?
What if i told you I know what dying feels like?
would you be mad? what can happiness buy?
please help me,
remember weekends, you me my brother and my dad,
the house on Harrison, the fights and the laughs,
times sure change the house is now gone,
Christopher got sick and struggles to hold on,
spent months in the hospital the look in his eyes,
every day hopes lost the quieter the cries,
hooked up on IV's for two years,
my mom cried every night for two years,
I want to save him so bad, I cant take it,
twenty something pills a day he tries to hide them when he can,
and my dad man, the guy you loved so much,
loves cocaine more then his kids, he left us both,
and took bear man I'm scared man,
leaving violent voicemail's, I sleep with a machete in my bed,
when its quiet i cry, when its silent i cry, that mother of mine,
we never saw much, raising us full time,
trying to turn things around, I got a girl now,
name is Nicole, she means a lot,
i told her about you, i cried in her arms,
she means a lot, i don't have the word to give her,
she can see it in my eyes, She knows I'm scared,
I cry when I leave her I miss her when I'm with her,
God don't let me drag her down, keep her close, keep her safe,
God don't let me drag her down, God don't let me drag her down,
I'm fucked up, got a bottle in my system, please save me,
God don't let me drag her down.