Lost In Decadence

[Verse1][jD]
If I have died and dont know it, Of whom do I pass the time,
Why do leaves commit suicide, when they feel yellow?
Ive got no place to go, And no one to meet,
So I stroll the avenues, Get lost on every street,
Forget every single worry, Just a time to clear my mind,
Try my best to disappear, May not make it back tonight,
Left my cell phone and my keys on the kitchen counter,
Fourteen blocks from my apartment, still heading south.
Nothing but a couple dollars and a 67' nickel,
And a head full of blame, I just cant escape,
Cause I made a mistake, And I know that now,
Leave the past in the past, But i dont know how,
Keep on searching for the courage, But Im at a loss of words,
It seems with every song I write, The fights get worse,
Im huffing and puffin, Coughing up while window shopping,
On the sidewalk trees, lanterns lit with lights,
Store fronts display the seasons and the colors,
Eyes blinded, With the nights lights,
I wanna look my brother in the eyes, And tell him I love him,
Just know everything is gonna be all right,
I cant sleep at night when your scared, I need you to smile,
Honestly, I really need you to smile,
Cause you and Bear are all I ever had,
I almost lost you both, Yeah I almost lost you both,
The burdens of this cold night are taking effect, And I can feel them,
But any way to escape the troubles that I deal with,
Wipe my eyes and get on, I pray for those that I miss,
Richard, Hazel, Grandpa, and James, Great Grandma,
So many names remain, Im done with this blame,
Staying Positive, Smiling for just one time,
But say a little prayer,
For those with no sunshine [3x]

[Verse2][Esoterical]
I hold my head up, Still I aint cried yet,
Wishing I would have said goodbye, Feeling my words are hopeless,
Im trying to pray again, Finding comfort in any type of connection,
I guess its a blessing, Enough to smile when I reminisce,
Drop my head as I sit on this bench,
Day light slips past as I try to get a grip,
Im writing and driving, Trying to get my mind on something else,
But its hell on my mother,
And Im feeling guilty, Cause theres nothing I can do to help,
Im holding the rosary that they passed out when they buried you,
Its starting to wither and fade, In sync with the pain,
I drop my head and start to accept that this is really through,
The first tear falls and its burning so bad, That the second one slips right past,
Before I even notice it, An hour passes and Im wiping my face,
I jump in my car, And drive the farthest I can from this place,
The next day I stare at your picture frame, And wait,
For the heaviness to drift,
I listen real silent to that home made movie memory in my head,
Its really all I got left,
Play backs of frozen laughs and photographs,
Im whispering my last words under my breath,
Hoping some how theyll make there way to you,
I just wanna say I love you,
Im sorry I didnt know you better,
Rest in peace,
Say hello to the rest of the family we got holding spots in that cemetery,
As I say a little prayer
For those with no sunshine [3x]