Telly

MR WORMWOOD
Somewhere, on a show, I heard
That a picture tells a thousand words.
So, telly, if you bothered to take a look,
Is the equivalent of, like . . . lots of books!

All I know, I learnt from telly.
This big beautiful box of facts.
If you know a thing already,
Baby, you can switch the channel over just like that!

Endless joy and endless laughter.
Folks living happily ever after.
All you need to make you wise
Is twenty-three minutes plus advertisements.

Why would we waste our energy
Turning the pages, one, two, three?
When we can sit comfortably,
On our lovely bumferlies,
Watching people singing, and talking, and doing stuff?

All I know, I learnt from telly.
The bigger the telly, the smarter the man.
You can tell from my big telly
Just what a clever fella I am!
Take it away, son.

*poor ukulele playing*

You can't learn that from a stupid book!

All I know, I learnt from telly.
What to think and what to buy.
I was pretty smart already,
But now I'm really, really smart, very very smart.

Endless content, endless channels,
Endless chat on endless panels.
All you need to fill your muffin,
Without having to really fink or nuffin.

Why would we waste our energy
Trying to work out "uh"-lysses?
When we can sit happily on our lovely bapperlies
Watching slightly famous people talking to really famous people?

All I know I learnt from telly.
The bigger the telly, the smarter the man.
You can tell from my big telly
Just what a clever fella I am.

[spoken]
Who the Dickens is Charles Dickens?
Mary Shelley, cor she sounds smelly!
Harry Potter, what a rotter,
Jane Austen, in the compostin'
James Joyce, doesn't sound noice,
Ian Mcewan, ah I feel like spewin'!
William Shakespeare? Shwilliam Shmakespeare!
Moby Dick? Easy Grandma

All together, now!
All I know, I learnt from telly!
The bigger the telly, the smarter the man.
You can tell from my big telly
What a very clever fellow I am.

Thank you very much!