Snow Up Your Nose For Christmas

By Donald Pleasence and Meira Pleasence

SNOW UP YOUR NOSE FOR CHRISTMAS,
ICE ON YOUR PAWS AND YOUR CLAWS.
TING-A-LING, TING-A-LING, TING-A-LING, LEARN TO SING,
AN ANIMAL'S CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A KING.

DING-DING-DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING.

DING-DING-DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING.

IT'S NOT THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR
FOR A DUCK OR A GOOSE OR A DEER.
LITTLE CHICKS CAN GET KILLED,
FATHER GEESE, I AM TOLD,
HATE THE SIGHT OF THE SNOW
AND THE RICH CHRISTMAS CHILL.

DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING...

DIALOG:

"LOOK! LOOK! THE JOLLIES' ON TV! THERE'S MOLLY JOLLY AND THERE'S HOLLY JOLLY AND THE ELECTRIC GUITAR, AND MISTER WALLY JOLLY STANDING ON HIS HEAD AND PLAYING THE TROMBONE AT THE SAME TIME!"
"WHO'S THE GIRL?"
"POLLY JOLLY!"

DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING.

SNOW UP YOUR NOSE FOR CHRISTMAS,
SNOW FOR A FAT SANTA CLAUS.
THERE IS SNOW UP YOUR NOSE,
THERE IS ICE ON HIS TOES,
PEOPLE GETS PRESENTS WHEREVER HE GOES.

DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING.

DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING-A-LING,
DING-A-LING, DING-A-LING.

SNOW UP YOUR NOSE, WIND ON YOUR FACE,
SNOW UP YOUR NOSE ON THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE.

DIALOG:

MIDNIGHT, THE FAMILY WENT TO BED.

"I'M OUT! COME ON, BONCE, FOOD!"
THEY ATE CHRISTMAS CAKE, MINTS PIES, CHEESE.
"CAN'T WE PULL ONE?"
"A CRACKER?"
"WELL, THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP, LISTEN!"
THE TWO MICE PULLED, THE CRACKER PARTED WITH A BANG. THERE WAS SILENCE ABOVE THEM, QUIET AS CHOCOLATE MICE. THE MICE LISTENED.
"LET'S SEE WHAT'S INSIDE."
"LITTLE BAG!"
"BRITISH AIRWAYS! JUST THE THING FOR OUR SURVIVAL KIT."
HE FILLED THE TOY BAG WITH CHEESE AND CAKE AND JUMPED TO THE FLOOR.
"WE'RE AWAY!"
BONCE NOSED HIS WAY THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR LIKE AN ELECTRIC DRILL.
"AFTER YOU, SCOUSE."
SCOUSE PUT HIS NOSE INTO THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
"OH, OH, IT'S, IT'S, IT'S COLD OUT THERE! AND THERE'S WHITE STUFF, SNOW, I THINK."
"OH, SCOUSE, I THINK I'LL STAY HOME."
"YOU CALL THIS HOME? LISTEN, YOU CAN ALWAYS JOIN ME. WATCH THE TELLY, I'LL BE THERE."
"HOW?"
"I'LL BE FAMOUS! FAMOUS PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ON THE TELLY."
"WELL, GOOD LUCK THEN. BYE."
"EH...RIGHT!"
HE WENT. SCOUSE THE MOUSE WAS FREE.