Razors In Your Apple (on Halloween)

JACK:
There's razors in your apple,
on Halloween, Halloween, Halloween,
There's anthrax in your Snapple,
on Halloween, Halloween, Halloween,
The only thing you, got to know is,
all of your candy's got to go,
'cause there's razors in your apple,
on Halloween, Halloween,
on Halloween.

ETHAN:
Yes, your candy's been contaminated,
from villians who are evil, mad and jaded,
Don't break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar,
'cause it's filled with pieces of a friggin' crowbar,
They left no candy untouched,
even made the Pop Rocks pop too much,
No, I don't mean to cause a scene, but it's only,

JACK:
On Halloween.

SEAN:
Ignore those M&Ms,
'cause they're filled with more,
hatred than Eminem,
They dumped bleach on all the Snickers,
steel wires in every Twizzler,
Do you like your Now-N-Laters,
filled with KNIVES from all the haters?
Don't let me see that Tootsie Roll,
because it's laced with crack.

JACK:
There's razors in your apple,
on Halloween, Halloween, Halloween,
There's anthrax in your Snapple,
on Halloween, Halloween, Halloween,
The only thing you, got to know is,
all of your candy's got to go,
'cause there's razors in your apple,
on Halloween, Halloween,
on Halloween.

TOBY:
Hold up, Jack,
sounds kinda whack,
Whatcha trying to do,
give kids' parent a heart attack?
I think you've gone too far,
Warning kids about their candy?
Who you think you are?

JACK:
Don't make assumptions, Toby,
You might learn something, Toby,
if you knew about conspiracies,
you'd know the government,
is trying to rule our minds,
with candy-consumption, Toby.

TOBY:
Sounds like you're paranoid,
Your argument is null and void.

JACK:
No, I'm telling you, they're watching us,
don't eat the candy Tobuscus,
or else they'll..

TOBY:
OKAY, now I'm annoyed,
There's no anthrax in your Snapple,
No razors in your apple.

JACK:
Oh, you wanna bet?

TOBY:
Yea, sure, I'll take it.
*crunch*
Goddangit!

JACK:
There's razors in your apple,
on Halloween, Halloween, Halloween,
There's anthrax in your Snapple,
on Halloween, Halloween, Halloween,
The only thing you, got to know is,
all of your candy's got to go,
'cause there's razors in your apple,
on Halloween, Halloween,
on Halloween.