How To Be Single On Valentine's Day

[Verse 1:]

Yesterday
I asked you
How to spend Valentine's Day
If you're single
Here are your answers

Get wasted
In the basement
Disappoint yourself in bed
Rob a bank
Have a sad wank
Can't be single if you're dead

Create another Horcrux
Give another whore bucks
Curl up in a ball and cry
Gasoline, zucchini, vaseline
Die, die, Valen-die

Rantin' on Twitter about how love isn't real
Takin' a shot whenever I feel
Go on with my life, like any other day?
I'm not single, I have anime!

[Chorus:]
Valentine's Day has reared its ugly head
Well it ain't that fun
If you ain't got someone
To cuddle all day in your bed

Valentine's Day means I need alcohol
At least you don't need money
To spend on your honey
If you don't have a honey at all

[Verse 2:]
Gently weeping on the nearest shoulder
Alone in the bathtub with my toaster
I stay in bed all day pretending that I'm sick
Enjoying what I have and destroying my dick

In the club, at the tree house (no girls allowed)
Poking holes in your friend's condoms (wow)
Stalking exes, playing for honor
Spending the evening with Rosie Palmer

[Bridge:]
Beating my meat, beating my meat, beat the meat
Eat, sleep, beat meat, repeat
Beat meat beat meat beat meat beat meat
Nickelodeon!
(nah)

[Chorus:]
Valentine's Day has reared its ugly head
Well it ain't that fun
If you ain't got someone
To cuddle all day in your bed

Valentine's Day means I need alcohol
At least you don't need money
To spend on your honey
If you don't have a honey at all