A Terrible Valentine's Day Song

[Jack]

Hey Girl.
I wrote this song for you.
So if you could s-shut up. Shut your f- Shut up.

(Ukulele Playing in Background)

It's Valentine's Day
and I wanted to say
that Cupid's arrow's hit me in the most
peculiar way
and I don't know how to say it
but in my heart, I know it's true.
The only girl I wanna be with
on Valentine's Day
is your sister.

(Background)
Ooooohhh Oooohhh.

[Jack]

I wanna get with ya,
with ya sister.

(Background)
Ya ya ya ya. Ya ya yeaaa.

[Jack]

Hooking up with your way hotter sister.

(Background)
Ooooohhh Oooohhh.

[Jack]

Do you think you can do me a solid

(Talking)

and tell your way hotter sister I said, "Hello"
Thank you.

(Singing)

I hope you're not offended.
I hope you're not surprised.
But I think I saw her giving me the
"let's go out the back and hook up in the shed until the sunrise" eyes.

(and) Baby x8
I was wondering if it wasn't too much trouble
that maybe,
I could meet your momma.

(Background)
Ooooohhh Oooohhh.

[Jack]

Hooking up with your sister and your momma.

(Background)
Ya ya ya ya. Ya ya yeaaa.

[Jack]

Maybe cause some
multi-generational drama.

(Background)
Ooooohhh Oooohhh.

[Jack}

Has your momma been doing
some Zumba?

(Background)
Ya ya ya ya. Ya ya yeaaa.

[Jack]

(Talking) She looks really good for her age. Wait.
(Singing) Why are you crying?
Why are you screaming?
You sound like you're dying.
It's really unappealing.
Did you think I wanted you?
Well I honestly don't know how
you know you're chances would be
a whole lot better if
you shaved your unibrow.
I'm hooking up with your sister
your momma
your sister's hot friend
LaShaundah.
Hooking up with your
whole damn family
your whole damn family.

(Talking) It's kind of beautiful
if you think about it
You know what, don't think about it.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone but you.