Jeff Russell

[Intro]

This is not gonna be easy
Cause my mind's insisting

[Verse 1]

"You'll never make it rappin'"
And maybe not but since youth I've wanted to be apart of it
So I can't help hopin' maybe I could just
If I unwind knots publicly
Now, I don't wanna jeopardize how eyes see me
Or how I see me, but I've learned a lot 'bout expressing
Through curses, I curse, slut, preventin' repressin'
So, hoes, my hearse is unloadin' depressants
I doubt my sounds somethin' you'd hear and like
I'm out, all of my eggs may be prepared
In one trashcan
I never reached for yo help, don't pass out holdin' ya breath
This ain't well-devised rap
Surprise, it ain't like that
I find my eyes despise
Not the confident act some shit songs insist upon (oof)
I'm insecure as crack dealers who put on a face cause they undercover cops
I'd be happy to stay, I don't really wanna drop
Cause I'm scared, to be honest, and scared to be honest
It's obvi if I am the homage you'll pay
When I'm out of it, yo get me out
I'm broke, opportunity's knockin'
But I'm away coppin' it, copin' with bein alone
I'm an optimist, locked in a room without oxyg—

[Chorus]

I been at this so long
But all I have is lost on me
I am a lost cause
They surely won't remember me
When I'm gone

[Verse 2]

Look, I'm not fuckin ignant
My wit won't ignite any rum
And it's why I'm not bankin' on blowin' up
This was my fallback food from the nest
Then, at some sun, began to invest (what?)
Doin' what I did in literature to songs over these
Sounds and melodies that poured
The result of the gray places I been
Be it a visit or some place I'm still in
And these tastes bring vile malice, my own talent's a sift
Of many tapes and disc's dug as a kid, risky business
Cruisin' around biting who
What are the odds that no ones wrote that
Or drew a similar picture wit instrumentals?
You mental if yo intel ain't tell how many individuals
Practice at honin' lyrical mags
And sketchin' beats every free sec they have, lackin' a social
They immolate all of the slips strayin' you from that new trip you tryin' to take
Why do I matter?
Was never a leader or prince
More of a Norville, didn't battle
I certainly don't have the voice
But I do have a voice, no Casey Kasem, though
I do got dirt to lay
It ain't really clever and truly I ain't the best
But fuck me if I can't fucking let loose
In excess to tell some truth, ah

[Chorus]

I been at this so long (so very, very long)
But all I have is lost on me (all I have is lost on me)
I am a lost cause (I am a lost cause)
They surely won't remember me
When I'm gone

[Interlude]

What even is this?
This was supposed for you
I've made all about me

[Verse 3]

For 2 verses now I've avoided you (fuck)
Some tribute, huh?
I am a coward, a cat, the calamity has me cracked
I cannot imagine your mother or Alli or Adam
I shutter at that memory seein' them lower you down
Now another, among many others
I've almost lapped you in age but finally on my page, you are
I'm sorry it's taken me so long, I couldn't face it
Playin' the victim, even though we did drift
Maybe if we'd planned one week sooner this... no
I couldn't prevent it (fuck)
Every scenario pickin' apart in my head is
On a loop and denyin' it doesn't remedy so me, I'm movin' forward
Incorrigible, I'm pourin' up in order to retain a little order
Formidable opponent; myself
My thoughts are foreign to me and hangin' onto the beat like an ornament
I'm givin' it more, this feat
A coup de force to war, towards me
So, here is the hope
I'm finna make it and shove your name down everyone's throat
You in the loop, now, well known
Jeff-Jeff-Jeff-Jeff, no Ozzy Osbourne
I know, I maybe am bat-shit
Rey-Rey-Rey-Rey, I will
See you on the other side, that song still reminds me of you
I look back and smile, I feel like you're near
Even though I don't believe in it, it's a nice thought
Rest easy, man
(Fuck)

[Chorus]

I been at this so long (so very fucking long)
But all I have is lost on me (all I have is lost on me)
I am a lost cause (I am a lost cause)
They surely won't remember me
When I'm gone

[Outro]

This is for you Jeff, Heidi, Adam, Kaylee, Alli
I can't even imagine...