From God's Perspective

"There's things I don't want to be misconstrued in my act that I feel often are. I don't want you leaving my show thinking that I think I know better than people or that I, I think I'm better than people in general. Um, okay, I just wanted to put that out there. Uh, this is a song from the perspective of God."

The books you think I wrote
Are way too thick
Who needs a thousand metaphors to
Figure out you shouldn't be a dick

And I don't watch you
When you sleep
Surprisingly I don't use my omnipotence
To be a fucking creep

You're not going to heaven
Why the fuck do you think
I'd wanna kick it
With you

None of you are
Going to heaven
There's a trillion aliens
Cooler than you

You shouldn't sustain from rape
Just 'cause you think that I want you, to
You shouldn't rape
'Cause rape is a fucked up thing to do

"Pretty obvious just don't fucking rape people, please. Don't think I have to write that one down for 'ya."

I don't think masturbation
Is obscene
It's absolutely natural
And the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen

You make my job
A living hell
I sent gays to fix overpopulation
And, boy, did that go well

You're not going
To heaven
Eat a thousand crackers
Sing a million hymns

None of you are
Going to heaven
You're not my children
You're a bad game of Sims

You shouldn't sustain from pork
Just 'cause you think that I want you, to
You can eat pork
"'Cause why the fuck would I give a shit?"

"I created the universe, think I'm drawing the line at the fucking deli aisle?"

You argue and you bicker
And you fight
Atheists and Catholics
Jews and Hindus argue every night

Over what they think is
True
But no one entertains the thought that
Maybe God does not believe in you

You're pray so badly for heaven
Knowing any day could be the day that you die
But maybe life on Earth could be heaven
Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try

My love's the type of thing
That you have to earn
And when you earn it
You won't need it

My love's the type of thing
That you have to earn
And when you earn it
You won't need it

I'm not gonna give you love
Just 'cause I know that you want me, to
If you want love
Then the love has gotta come from you.