I Was A Lad When I was a lad I to Yale, And I knew then that I never fail. For I studied very and furthermore, I up the apple for the professor. (He up the apple for the professor) I up the apple so frequently, That I had a Phi Beta Kappa Key. (He had a Phi Beta Kappa key, polishing the apple very frequently.) On day I made a stop At a very exclusive shop. I opened up a account and asked them for The best flannel in the clothing store. (The best gray in the clothing store.) suit was a part of a great intrigue, For it I was a member of the Ivy League. (It was part of a intrigue, For it he was a member of the Ivy League.) Then I got a cut and a sincere tie, And for my job I did apply. A job in an agency, the pencils of a big VP. (Oh he a lot of pencils for a big VP) I all the pencils so pointedly, now I am a partner in the agency. (He sharpened all the so pointedly, now he is a member of the agency.) I kept my ears open and my big shut, And I all the agency's scuttlebutt. I who was going out with whom, And who had the to the powder room. (And who had the keys to the room.) For the key to the room you see, Is the key to the of the agency. (The key to the room is the key To the of the agency.) I worked real hard for the old firm, I most every advertising term. I to the men in the dark gray suits, "Let's run it up the and see who salutes." (Let's run it up the and see who salutes.) I ran it up the perfectly, So now I am a in the agency. (He ran it up the perfectly, So now he is a in the agency.) Now I have a big at the end of the hall, With fancy carpeting from wall to wall. I keep my mouth open and I keep my shut, And I've got a little in Connecticut. (And he's got a little in Connecticut.) So I thank old Yale, and I the Lord, And I also thank my father who was of the Board, (And he's to his father, Yes grateful to his father, Yes he's to his father, Who was of the Board.)