Welcome Ladies & Gentlemen (skit)

> >Hi,
> >Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (stinky face)
> >Welcoming you on Bokasa Unit. We apologize for the
> >Four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some
> >Overtime I had to put in at the bakery and my poultry farm.
> >This is flight 126 to Jamaica.
> >Landing in Jamaica is not guaranteed, but we may end up
> >Somewhere in the south.
> >If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
> >Bokasa Unit has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety
> >Standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with
> >Us!
> >It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year
> >Over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our
> >Engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange
> >To turn
> >Them off!
> >To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve
> >Complimentary Bongo tea and Bibi biscuits! For our not-so-religious
> >Passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if
> >There
> >Really is a God!
> >We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be
> >Shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our
> >Movie
> >Buffs, we will be flying right next to British airways, where their
> >Movie will be
> >Visible from the right side of the cabin window.
> >There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the
> >Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to
> >Slow
> >Down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close
> >As
> >Possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close,
> >Do let us know by miss callin the pilot on he' mobile.
> >Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
>
> >Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off
> >And
> >Fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can't find a seatbelt,
> >Kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat, and for those
> >Of you
> >Who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
> >Stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your
> >Suitcase."
> >Enjoy Bokasa Unit.
> >Have a nice day.
> >Bokasa Unit.
> >
> >THE END.