Timothy Simons vs. Tony Hale

[Timothy Simons]
Joshua

[Beatboxer Joshua Silverstein]
Yes, sir

[Timothy Simons]
Friend

[Joshua Silverstein]
Yes

[Timothy Simons]
May I have a beat please?

[Joshua Silverstein]
Absolutely

[Timothy Simons]
Thank you

[Tony Hale]
"May I," oh, you're starting off well

[Round 1: Timothy Simons]
It's the big 'Veep' battle and I have to acknowledge
I'll win the popular and electoral college
You look like a man adamant to stay celibate
Put this dude in handcuffs, 'cause I'm arresting his development
Your 'Veep' character's a brown-noser who's dim
In other words, Tony, you were born to play him
You're a freak, the biggest square in our circle
There's no way I'm gonna lose to this little shaven gerbil

[Tony Hale]
Alright, Joshua, drop that beat

[Round 1: Tony Hale]
You make fun of my role on 'Veep,' that's no surprise
But I won two Emmys, you're hardly recognized
You're a tall weirdo, and that might sound wrong
The only fans you got are the ones you hit your head on
This goofy monster is six-five tall
To start acting, how bad were you at basketball?
The fact that you have time to battle is a little obscene
With your busy schedule, haunting children in their dreams

[Timothy Simons]
For your information, I was terrible at basketball

[Tony Hale]
And I don't care

[Timothy Simons]
A'ight, Joshua

[Joshua Silverstein]
Yes, sir

[Timothy Simons]
Friend

[Joshua Silverstein]
Yes

[Timothy Simons]
May I have another one?

[Joshua Silverstein]
Of course

[Timothy Simons]
Thank you

[Round 2: Timothy Simons]
Nice verse, Tony, you must really feel cool
It's too bad you have stay 500 feet from every school
You carry Julia's purse, it can't be overstated
You only play roles where you're emasculated
Whoever married you must be blind
You look like Jim Henson's Muppets combined
You're in the Angry Birds Movie, let me explain
That's not a movie, it's an iPad game

[Tony Hale]
Similar. Simmer down, simmer, simmer

[Timothy Simons]
Oh, quiet down, everyone. Quiet down

[Tony Hale]
You ain't seen nothin' yet!

[Round 2: Tony Hale]
There's no turning back to squash this beef
Now we got problems as big as your teeth
Let's be honest, you weren't the first pick
You look like Jason Segel got bit by a tick
It looks like villagers would chase you with torches
You're a Frankenstein made of Kennedy corpses
And that's not the only line to make you laugh
Your dad is Tony Robbins and your mom is a giraffe

[Timothy Simons]
That was very good, that was really good

[Tony Hale]
Oh, bless you. Bless you. Bless you

[Timothy Simons]
Bless you. Joshua

[Round 3: Timothy Simons]
Tony, you sound just as dumb as you look
Like Buster's arm in 'Arrested Development,' you're gettin' the hook
His dad worked at school teaching nuclear education
So that explains his look, I blame the radiation
Talkin' about science, I'm about blast off
This dude looks like Darth Vader when he took his fucking mask off
And there's no need to get personal, no need to get catty
But when I come over for barbecue, you overcook the patties

[Tony Hale]
Let's take it down. Let's take it down a notch, take it down. You didn't mention anything about the patties when you came over to my place for the barbecue. You said you liked the patties

[Timothy Simons]
That's what you say when you go to somebody's house and they cook shitty food

[Round 3: Tony Hale]
Listen, Tim, I know we were once friends
When you talk about my grill skills, that shit ends
We're on the same set and I'm done treading softly
If you make the last cup, make a new pot of coffee
And stop using Xerox to make personal copies
And another--get the fuck off me, dude!
Tony Hale's comin' vicious! Tony Hale's got the bitches!
Hale takes snitches like Tim and gives 'em stitches!