So I was walking into whole foods recently, I dont grocery shop there, its too expensive, but I love the smell of lavender so its where I get my laundry detergent. Normally when you walk into whole foods theres somebody outside with a clipboard like Hey you wanna help pandas keep getting boners? On this day It was like Hey you wanna help overturn prop 8? and imp like ehh I just wanted to shop I didnt want- huhehh. But I noticed there was a really old lady walking in behind me and I wanted to make sure she was asked as well like that I wasnt profiled this guys queer, hell help an sure enough she asked maam do you wanna help overturn prop 8? Ooohhh Im like explain it to her. Its to make gay marriage legal in the state of California. Shes like ohhh and I could just see 80 r 90 y! ears of sexist racist shit that shes had to put up with go round and round i'm praying she falls over dead like Carpet munchers, no! none of which happened, she signed it im an ass hole. Do you remember the commercials they ran? It was a little girl she came running home from school, and shed be like mommy mommy mommy the teacher said when I get older I can marry a princess if I want to. And theyre like whatre you gonna do when your kid says that? and every parent in Californias like oh, were gonna have to talk to our kids? Sorry queers, nope. Yea, thats esperanzas job. So I wanna hire the same little girl to do commercials for me in the state of Utah. And I want her to come running home and be like mommy mommy mommy how come youre nine years older than me? Because we learned math, and this doesnt add up. Mommy mommy mommy mommy, shes calling out to all of her mothers, they start to come out of the cabinets in their l! ittle house on the prairie outfits. Trying to explain how open! minded they really are, compared to who? The Amish? Am I the only person that blames global warming entirely on the Amish? Are they not a constant reminder of how awful life would be without all of this great technology? Every time I want to cut back and conserve on natural resources, I just look at the Amish and Im like hoho, fuck that, fill it up, fill it up, no no, im not gonna ride around in a buggy, its bad enough I have a four cylinder. But I would like a fireless fireplace. I dont know how you did it Amish; apparently you teamed up with the wickens because that is magical. You know the economys in the toilet when the Amish can afford full page adds in every paper. Apparently butter is recession proof. Does anyone in hear even know what im talking about at this point? The Amish make this firepl
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