This Is Not A Song, It's A Sandwich

I know what you're thinking
You're thinking, "This is a song"
Well I guess I'll just have to show you
Exactly where you are WRONG!

Why aren't you hearing the cheese?
Why aren't you feeling the ham?
If you don't listen you'll miss it
You don't understand
I will explain it all once
I can explain it all twice
To make it clear to your brain
Until you've taken a bite

It couldn't be a dam 'cause it doesn't have a beaver
It's not the DMV 'cause it doesn't make you wait
It couldn't be a taco 'cause it isn't very crunchy
It couldn't be an Olsen 'cause it isn't Mary-Kate
It can't be Dirty Dancing 'cause it doesn't make you vomit
It couldn't be an iron 'cause it doesn't burn your face
It couldn't be Bruce Campbell 'cause it isn't freakin' awesome
It couldn't be a keyboard 'cause it doesn't have a space... BAR!

(Be-cause)
This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!
What would make you think otherwise?
This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!
Now no more of your vile filthy lies

(This is a song) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!
(Uh... But, it's a song) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!

So what are you thinking?
Still think this is a song?
Do you require more proof?
Do you enjoy being wrong?

Why aren't you hearing the meat?
Why aren't you feeling the bread?
If you don't listen, you'll miss it
You're making me sad
I will explain it all once
I can explain it all twice
And then again and again
Until you've taken a bite!

It couldn't be a chick 'cause it doesn't want to marry
It can't be Windows Vista 'cause it doesn't suck enough
It couldn't be a boob 'cause it isn't very squishy
It couldn't be a beer 'cause it isn't good and stuff
It couldn't be a tub 'cause it doesn't have a ducky
It couldn't be a stoner 'cause it doesn't have a joint
It couldn't be an egg 'cause there is no Easter Bunny
It couldn't be a song 'cause it doesn't have a point

(Be-cause!)
This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!
What would make you think otherwise?
This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!
It's really just a hoagie in disguise

(I'm pretty sure this is a song) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!
(... Sooong!) SANDWICH!
(SONG!) SANDWICH!
(Jesus, dude, what is wrong with you?) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!

Lettuce, bacon, mayo, tomato, cheese, olives
Onions, frog, tuna, turkey, peppers, salami
Noodles, pizza, tires, CROWBARS!!!

You bought (or stole!)
This dumb CD
Now you are suffering
Driving home, working out
Or at your job
At your house, or wherever
On your iPod