The World According To Chris

Chris:
Guess what, ever since the world began
Same plot, everyone's been dumping on their fellow man
Pounding people they feel better than
I hope you're taking notes cause
You feel everyone deserves a shot
Get real
Some of us have got it, girl
And some got squat
That's the truth, oh honey, like it or not
I hate to break it to you

My daddy taught me you get no where being nice
So now I'm sharing his advice

The world according to Chris is
Better to strike then get struck
Better to screw then get screwed
You'd probably think its bizarre
But that's the way things are

Sue: (spoken) But that doesn't mean it has to be that way
What does it cost to be kind

Chris: (spoken) Ew, what have you done with my best friend? Billy, tell me, am I right, or am I right?

Billy: (sung)
Trust me
I swear
There's a dick in every class
Not fair
Each and every time I fail those losers pass
Hey, everyone of them can kiss my ass

Chris:
You wonder why I love him

Billy:
One year, there was this good looking guy
So queer
And on top of that he has a wandering eye
One day he looks at me
And, huh, bye-bye

Chris:
I bet he got the message

Chris and Billy:
We're here to tell you how this whole damn freak show works

All:
Oh, yeah yeah yeah

Chris and Billy:
If you don't listen, then you're jerks!

All:
The world according to Chris is
Better to punch than get punched
Better to burn than get burned
Learn that and you're gonna go far
Cause that's the way things are

Chris:
Hoo-nya nya nya nya na na na na
Hoo-nya nya nya na na na na

All:
Hoo-nya nya nya nya na na na na
Hoo-nya nya nya na na na na

Sue: (spoken) Do you believe her?

Tommy: (spoken) C'mon, she's just being Chris.

Sue: (spoken) You weren't there. It was awful. We were hurting Carrie.

Tommy: (spoken) Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

Sue: (sung)
Tommy, you don't understand
What was just a joke got out of hand
We kept on screaming til she hit the floor

Tommy: (spoken) C'mon, everybody was doing it.

Sue: (sung)
Hey, I was in there, too
What came over me was something new
I did things I'd never done before

And now I wish there's something I could do or say
I've never ever felt this way

Tommy: (sung)
Look, Sue
Don't be so hard on yourself
You can tell me to keep my mouth shut
But, wanna know what I'd advise?

Sue: What?

Tommy:
Apologize

Sue: (spoken) Apologize. Oh, Tommy! That's genius!

Chris: (Sung)
Ew, Sue
I know you've been feeling sad

All:
Boo Hoo!
Sure, we clobbered Carrie and that's too damn bad

Chris:
This is why you've gotta love my dad

All:
He's got the right idea

Chris:
My daddy taught me who's on top and who's below
(All: who's below)
And now its time I let you know
The world according to Chris...

Sue: (spoken) You're joking, right? You can't possibly mean all this?

Chris: (spoken) Why are you being such a buzz-kill?

Sue: Chris, grow up.

All:
Hoo-nya nya nya na na na na
Hoo-nya nya nya nya na na na na (and so on)

Billy:
Let''s start this party, people!
The World According to Chris (x4)

Chris: (softly)
The world according to Chris is
Better to whip than get whipped
Even if somebody bleeds
Please
Nobody dies from a scar
And that's the way things
Are