The Vicki Eydie Show: Around The World/Istanbul/Fiesta In Rio/South Seas Scene/Hawaiian War Chant...

"And now, And now, And now!
Comes my favorite part.
This is the part where
I get to expose myself,
to... Cleveland.
All my hopes, fears,
dreams and desires,
right here, right now,
in this little section.
I have been in showbusiness
for 10 years and every time
I have to go back on the stage
I have this dream,
That I am trapped in an act,
not of my own design,
In this act, I demonstrate
the kind of performer I might
have become, had I not been
blessed with brains,
talent and gorgeous tits!
Yes indeed Ladies and Germs,
in this, in this dream I demonstrate
the kind of preformer I would have
become had I only been blessed
with gorgeous tits, yes, here they are!
Here thay are, You've read about them
in people magazine, they were featured
on the cover of life.
Octover 1st, 1954,
3 year old baby with 38 inch chest.
That was something to behold! Ahh.
Now, the name of the performer
that I play in my dream is 'Vicki Eydie',
Vickie Eydie is definitely a lounge act,
Vickie Eydie is not the kind performer
who goes around singing any old kind of song
she wants to sing, you understand!
No, this act, what can I call it? It is a global revue,
She does not, of course, travel alone, no,
She has hired a once famous, singing trio!
'The Dazzling Eat-ettes'
And if I am not mistake, here they
comes this very mimette,
minute!! Here they come!
'The Dazzling Eat-ettes'
Oh God! Welcome to my nightmare!"

"And now!
The 'Plywood Room'
high atop 'Swingos Celebrity Motor Lodge'
in gorgeous downtown 'Seven Hills'
is thrilled to present,
The inevitable song stylings
of the internationnally acclaimed
Miss Vicki Eydie!
In her internationnally acclaimed
'Around the world Revue' entitled
'Around the world in 80 ways!'
And now, he-e-e-ere's Vicki!!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Around the world Ive searched
for you, I traveled on when hope
was gone to keep a rendezvous.

Say, I knew somewhere, sometime,
somehow, you would look at me
and I would see the smile youre smiling now. OOH!

It might have been in County Down,
or in New York, or Gay Paree,
or even, London Town.

Hey! What difference does it make?
No more will I go all around the world,
for I have found my world in,
Y-O-U, HEY! Ha!

"What difference does it make!?
Jokers, Tokers and Smokers!
How are you tonight!?
Where are you tonight!?
And how does your sign say!?
Have we got a little treat in store for you tonight!
We're gonna take you on a wonderful little
trip around this glorious little globe of ours!
we feature songs of many colors, and flags of lots of nations
And the first stop on this whirl-wind cavelcade.
The exotic Middle East!
With a veritable 'turbular' tune.
Here we go, Girls! OW!"

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople
Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've got a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York
Was once New Amsterdam, Hey!
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

Nya, Nya, Nya!
Sing the song Girls!
Nya, Nya, Nya!
[Repeated]
Sing out, Sing out.
Nya, Nya, Nya!...
Wow!

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks'
HEY!!!

"But no time to linger!
No time to linger!
Vicki Eydie gets preposterous
on the bosperous!
But as I say no time to linger
in the Auderman empire,
For I hear by the sound of the
castanettes, we are off,
off, off, off we are off.
Off to Br-r-r-r-r-r-r-azil! a-Br-r-razil. Brazil...
Land of hope, Land of hemp.
Hmmmm.
I wrote this next musical composition
for the festival at 'Piranha Del-Rey'
Unfortunately I did not win
that particular festival,
OtherwiseIi would not be here in,
er... Cleveland! Tonight
But makes no, nevermind!
For me, this song sums up the
essence of the Latin-American experience.
See if you don't understand what I mean"

It was Fiesta.
Tropical moonlight.
It was, it was Fiesta
and he held me so tight.
I thought, I thought I was dying.
But I just had the clap.
It was Fiesta
and I had the clap.

What to do in Rio,
when you can't even pee-o?
I had a bum time,
though it was fiesta.
I-I-I-I-I-I-I!

When he turned the light down low
he said, "Oh Miss Vickie, I, I want you so."

I was a forced, forced to remove myself from his lap.
You take care at Fiesta. You beware, beware at Fiesta.
Oh there at Fiesta, he will give you the . . .

[ Clapping to beat ]

Wa-hoo, Hey!

"Catchy, huh?
Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy that!
But no time to linger in South America,
For I hear by the sound of the slide guitar,
That it is time for us to move along,
Yes, indeed Ladies and gentlemen,
we are on our way, and just in time
for Vicki Eydie's South Sea Adventure!
Ahh, the South Sea's, The South Sea's,
where I found peace, contentment and
many tropical fruits I had not known before!
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Vicki Eydie eats papaya!
We are about to recreatefor you, one the most beautiful
and sensual of all the native rituals for you and
here are some beautiful and sensual native's right now!"

In the south sea island of Tawanga,
I let myself go.
What a beautiful setting for romancing,
and the palms sway too and fro.
And the island men are so handsome,
they make you really know,
what it's like not to be left lonely
as they sing soft and low.

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up, why don't you pack it up?
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love

Two-Three-Four
Aaaahh-Way
Lack-of-nookies-got-me!
Aaaaahh-Way
Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya!
Aaaaahh-Way
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!

They took me down by the waterfall,
they showed me their island ways.
They gave me beautiful flowers,
and pretty good island lays.
I forgot about what was right,
and I learned what was very bad.
But now I am the princess of the island,
and they make me feel very glad.

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up, why don't you pack it up?
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love.

Two-Three-Four
Aaaahh-Way
Lack-of-nookies-got-me!
Aaaaahh-Way
Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya!
Aaaaahh-Way
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!
That's Right
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!
That's Right
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!

"Here we go!!!
Time to sing along with Vicki Eydie!
Don't you want sing along with Vicki Eydie!? Yeah!
Ok, forget music!
I sing first, then you,
Get it?
Got it?
Good!"

If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up!
If you're cracking up from having lack--
God, what a quiet, quiet little group.
What a quiet, tasteful little group!
Now that the lights are on,
I see just how quiet and tasteful you really are!
Let's try it again!
Me first,
Then you,
Real loud!

If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
Wonderful!
If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
If you're cracking up...
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP!
Why don't you pack it up!
WHY DON'T YOU PACK IT UP!
And find yourself a crazy kind of Love!
AND FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!

"Now here comes the hard part.
Now, many Caucasians have a lot of diffulty
wrapping their little mouths around this parts.
because this is real Polynesian, you understand!"

Ahh-Way Lack of nookies got me I see it has!
AHH-WAY LACK OF NOOKIES GOT ME!
Next phrase!
Ahh-Way, Come on I want to lay you.
AHH-WAY, COME ON I WANT TO LAY YOU!
Excellent! Excellent!
Why much better than we had hoped!

"Why, my Goodness me, do you think we can do it up to tempo!?
Do you think you can do it up to tempo!?
[Audience:] YEAH!
Let's go!
Up to tempo for the little Mother-Fucker's!
HERE WE GO!

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP, WHY DON'T YOU PACK IT UP!
YOU GOT TO FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!

TWO-THREE-FOUR!
AAH-WAY!
LACK OF NOOKIE'S GOT ME!
AHH WAY!
COME ON I WANNA LAY YA!
YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!
THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!
THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF L-O-O-O-OVE!...

You're out of the woods,
you're out of the dark,
you're out of the night.
Step into the sun,
step into the light,
then open your eyes
and love will open, ahhh,
open, ahhh,
open, open, open, open up.

Nicky Arnstein!
Nicky Arnstein!
Nicky Arnstein!

Hey! Come on along and listen to
the lullaby of Broadway.
The hi-de-hi and boopa-doo.
The lullaby of Broadway.

The band begins to go to town
and everyone goes crazy.
You rock-a-bye your baby 'round
'til everything gets hazy.
Hush-a-bye, I'm gonna buy you this and that,
you hear your daddy sing.
Then baby goes home to her flat
to sleep all day.

Good night, baby.
Good night. Milkman's on his way.
Sleep tight, oh, my baby.
You sleep tight. Let's call it a day.

Listen to, the lullaby,
of ol-gone, you know it's old.
Come on along Broadway!
yeah, brodway, yeah, broadway!
The lulla-lullaby of Bro-o-o-oadway!
Yow!