Hello, hello, my name's Terry and I'm a law-abider
There's nothin' I like more than gettin' fired up on beer
And when the weekend's here
I exercise my right to get paralytic and fight
Good Bloke fairly
But I get well leery when geezers look at me funny
Bounce 'em round like bunnies
I'm likely to cause mischief
Good clean grief you must believe
And I ain't no thief, law-abidin' and all, all legal
And who cares about my liver when it feels good?
What you need is some real manhood
Rasher, rasher, burnin' cash up
Puttin' people's backs up
Public disorder, I'll give you public disorder
I down eight pints and run all over the place
Spit in the face of an officer, see if that bothers ya
'Cause I never broke a law in my life
Some day I'm gonna settle down with a wife
Come on lads let's have another fight
Um, hello, my name's Tim and I'm a criminal
In the eyes of society I need to be in jail
For the choice of herbs I inhale
This ain't no wholesale operation
Just a few eighths and some play station's my vocation
I pose a threat to the nation
And down the station the police hold no patience
Let's talk space and time
I like to get deep sometimes
And think about Einstein and Carl Jung
And old Kung Fu movies I like to see
Pass the hydrator please, yeah, I'm floatin' on thin air
Going to Amsterdam in the New Year, top gear there
'Cause I take pride in my hobby
Home-made bongs using my engineering degree
"Dear leaders, please legalize weed for these reasons"
Like I was saying to him, I told him, "Fuck with me and you won't live"
So I smacked him in the head and downed another carling
Bada bada bing, for the lad's like, mad fight
His face a sad sight, Vodka and Snake Bite
Going on like a right geez, he's a twat
Shouldn't have looked at me like that
Anyway, I'm an upstandin' citizen
If a war came along I'd be on the front line with 'em
Can't stand crime either, them hooligans
On heroin, drugs and criminals
Those thugs are the pinnacle of the downfall of society
I've got all the anger pent up inside of me
You know, I don't see why I should be the criminal
How can somethin' with no recorded fatalities be illegal?
And how many deaths are there per year from alcohol?
I just completed gran turismo on the hardest settin'
We pose no threat on my city
Ooh, the pizza's here, will someone let him in please?
We didn't order chicken
Not a problem, we'll pick it out
I doubt they meant to mess us about
After all we're all adults, not louts
As I was sayin', we're friendly peaceful people
We're not the ones out there causin' trouble
We just sit in this hazy bubble with our quarters
Discussing how beautiful Gail Porter is
MTV, BBC 2, Channel 4 is on until six in the mornin'
Then six in the mornin' the sun dawns and it's my bedtime
Causin' trouble?
Your stinkin' rabble boys
Saying I'm the lad who's spoilin' it
You're on drugs
It really bugs me when people try and tell me I'm a thug
Just for gettin' drunk, I like gettin' drunk
'Cause I'm an upstandin' citizen
If a war came along I'd be on the front line with 'em
Now Terry, you're repeatin' yourself
But that's okay, drunk people can't help that
A chemical reaction happenin' inside your brain
Causes you to forget what you're sayin'
What? I know exactly what I'm sayin'
I'm perfectly sane
You stinkin' student lameo
Go get a job and stop robbin' us of our taxes
Um, well actually accordin' to research
Government fundin' for further education pales in insignificance
When compared to how much they spend on repairin' leery drunk people At the weekend, in casualty wards all over the land
Why you cheeky little swine come here
I'm gonna batter ya, come here
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