"I grew up in a little town in Georgia, Georgia, to be precise. Actually, in the 'One Of Us' section, we one of us ran away home at fourteen, and that was me. I was tortured in school, I was the class fag. People calling me 'faggot' before I even knew that word meant. Then I went and found out what it meant, and was like 'Oh, a name for it?' At the time, I didn't it amusing. I like to be honest about it now, because I've expended an incredible amount of over the past of... years, actually over my life, trying to pretend that that never to me, that that's not part of my life, that I've always been cool. Huh, God. So, what I'd like to do know actually is reach back to those that I have tried so desperately to wipe out of my life, and share with you a from that period... it's of a nightmare. I was so angry and, and confused, and and miserable that most of my fantasies during that period of sort of ran like the movie 'Carrie.'" It was Night at my high school Everyone was there, it was cool I was so excited, why, I almost wet my 'Cause my best friend was Homecoming Queen She looked so pretty in chiffon the float with her tiara on Holding this humongous in her hand She looked out of Disneyland! Well, it was just the Cinderella ride - it was definitely an 'E' ticket! The was cheering, everyone was stoked You know, I think it was like the whole was totally coked out or something. The was playing 'Evergreen' When all of a sudden, somebody "Oh my God, out! The Homecoming Queen's got a GUN!!!" Everybody run, the Homecoming got a gun! Everybody run, the Homecoming got a gun! Debbie's smiling, and her gun Picking off one by one Oh no! Muffy's pompons just blew to My God, Mitzi's just did the splits! My best is on a shooting spree it, Debbie, you're embarrassing me! How you do what you just did - Are you having a really bad run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun! Everybody run, the Queen's got a gun! (Stop it, Debbie, making a mess Powder all over your dress bodies all over the quad Who'd have thought be packing a rod!) An hour later, you know, the cops had Oh, but by then the entire club had died - no big loss You wouldn't what they brought to stop Tear gas, machine guns... a chopper! "Throw down your gun and and come out of that float!" Debbie listen to what the cop said, No, she aimed and fired, and now the math dead! Oh, really sad, but, you know, it's kind of a relief, You see, we had this big test coming up week... Everybody run, the Homecoming got a gun! Everybody run, the Queen's got a gun! (Debbie's really a blast! She's wasted of the class!) The cops fired a warning shot and she dove off that I tried to scream "Duck!" but it stuck in my She hit the ground and did a flip; it was acrobatic But I was so hard, I couldn't work my Instamatic. I ran down to Debbie, I had to out, like, What made her do it, why'd she out? I saw the had grazed her... right about here. I then... the end was near. And I... As... Do y'all So as the SWAT team and a gaggle of hall escorted her from the field, I ran alongside, and I to her, "Debbie! Debbie, why did you do it? Why did you do it?" She smiled at me and said, "I did it for Lonnie." "Lonnie? Debbie, who's There aren't even any boys in our school named Lonnie. is Ms. Wilson, the wood teacher.... Oh my God, Debbie is that why you spent all that time makin' those birdhouses instead of being in the Future Homemakers of America me?" It was too late for answers. And as the team roared off into the sunset, I, I the gruesome scene before me. The ruins of that beautiful chicken-wire-and-crepe-paper 'V-for-Victory' the Pep Club had worked so hard on... And then it hit me. still Homecoming Week. We can't have a Game without a Queen. It was then I knew what I must do. So I retrieved her tiara from where it had fallen and I it lovingly upon my head, willing to assume the awesome of Homecoming Queen, eager to with a firm, yet sensitive hand... All right, boys, it for me! Everybody scream, the Homecoming is a queen! a queen, he's a queen, he's a queen, he's a queen. Ahhhhhhh, a big old queen!