The Ballad of Alferd Packer

This is the ballad of Alferd Packer
An infamous guy to the old west

In the state of Colorado in the year of seventy-four
They crossed the San Juan Mountains growing hungry to the core
Their guide was Alferd Packer, they trusted him too long
For his character was weak and his appetite was strong

They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but Government inspected beef

Along the Gunnison River, an Indian camp they spied
An Indian chief approached them to stop them he did try
He warned them of the danger in the snow that lay around
But the danger was in Packer for his hunger knew no bound

They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but Government inspected beef

Two cold months went slowly by, Packer came back alone
My comrades they all froze to death, I'm starving, he did moan
The Indian chief knew how he lied, he spat upon the ground
For Packer's belly hung out all over his belt, he'd gained some thirty pounds

They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but Government inspected beef

Well, for nine long years he ran away, but finally he was tried
He claimed he didn't kill them, he only ate their hide
That County had six democrats, until that man arrived
Well only one lives on today, he ate the other five [Incomprehensible]

Eighteen years he stayed in jail, it was a dreadful fate
For he suffered indigestion every time he ate
Still, it's hard to blame this hungry guy who went searchin' for the mines
For when he ate his friends, he'd never heard of Duncan Hines
For when he ate his friends, he'd never heard of Duncan Hines