Speed Dating

Speed dating, speed dating
Tick, cross, tick, cross, tick
No more waiting
Instant mating
It's a New York thing

Hi Randy from Texas
You're brand new in Manhattan
You think Britain's a nice city
Line dancing's on the edge
Well...
You've got fourteen older sisters
You can't read but you like wrestling
There's a soup like you in England
It's called Thick Country Veg
Cross

You're Todd from the East Village
Oh, you're terrified of women
Your shrink has set you homework
Do I think you're really sick?
Your mother called you Daddy
Oh, and locked you in a suitcase
Wearing nothing but a bowtie
Hence your nervous tic
Woo...
Cross

Hello Steve from Brooklyn
You're a regular speed dater
You tick every girl you meet here
Try to stop licking your lips
You're not strictly under 30
More like 55 and counting
But you think you pass for 40
Maybe during an eclipse
Heh...
Cross

Speed dating, speed dating
Tick, cross, tick, cross, tick
No more waiting
Instant mating
It's a New York thing

Yeah, nice to meet you, Nick from New Hope
What a lovely gentle handshake
Your skin's so soft and silky
And your features are so fine
You're a new post op transsexual
Need to roadtest your equipment
Look, I don't mean to be picky
But I'd ditch that chat up line
Yeah...
Cross

Well hi there Scott from Chelsea
You're a civil rights attorney
You love wine and conversation
I'll be seeing you again
You give expert accupressure
Oh, you know all about the G spot
You always stand for ladies
Christ - you're only four foot ten?
Cross

Speed dating, speed dating
Tick, cross, tick, cross, tick
No more waiting
Instant mating
It's a New York thing

Speed dating, speed dating
Tick, cross, tick, cross, tick
No more waiting
Instant mating
It's a New York thing

Tyler King
My pleasure
You're a boss at William Morris?
You're an agent to the stars?
Wow
Oh, you've only come for your friend Pete

Me?
Well, I'm here to start a new life
That's if I get my green card
You have friends in immigration?
Seems I've landed on my feet
Tick