Pick up you Kid

Attention shoppers
We have a child here in the office
That's been separated from her mother
Now, this isn't something the
Simon Property Group tries to encourage, no
We generally ask that children are supervised at all times
Now, it would be a charitable assessment on my part to say
That the child's been handling this ordeal in a graceful manner
Or that we've been able to get any work done since her arrival
Now, please take a moment to survey the number of offspring
In your immediate sphere of influence and then I want you to
Compare that number against your best working guess
As to how many children you arrived with
If you find any inconsistences between these two figures
There's no reason to be alarmed
Embarrassed, ashamed, mortified? Maybe
But do know that your child is safe
And can be readily picked up
At any of the information desks
Conveniently scattered throughout the facility

Pick up your fucking kid

The kid is funny looking, I'd say, with an unusual posture
Three or four years of age and
Somewhere in the neighborhood of three feet tall
Wearing a look of unmitigated hopelessness
And a t-shirt whose obnoxious slogan
I won't read over the PA
Now, the He-Man haircut tells me
It's best to stick with pronouns of a neutral variety
At least until I have some better intel on my hands
But forced to guess well I'd say she's a girl
Ok, she's nodding so she knows that at least
She was last seen in the vicinity of a mother
With garbage taste in children's clothing
And a misplaced trust her ability to cut hair
Or supervise children
Mother likely going to or coming from
A drug overdose of some kind
If there's any associates free on the floor
It might be helpful to sweep the bathrooms
Because at this point we could be looking for a corpse

It occurs to me that I've been operating from the assumption
That this child was lost accidently
And that no mother their right mind
Would intentionally abandon a kid
In a public venue
To the detriment of all staff involved
This assumption seemed reasonable
In the wee hours of this saga
But as time drags on
I'm prepared to admit my doubts
You know, look, I don't want your kid either
And I should have been out of here
Ten fucking minutes ago
So tell me what you want me to do
What am I supposed to do?
Bring her to the 24 hour one, huh?
You think they want to inherit this problem?
You know what?
Anybody listening right now who wants a kid
Ah, can come pick her up.
She's got blue eyes, two kidneys,
You can grow the hair out
She says she's not married to it
She just got some gum stuck in it.