One Hundred Easy Ways

The first way to lose a man
You've met a charming fellow and you're out for a spin
The motor fails and he just wears a helpless grin
Don't bat your eyes and say, "What a romantic spot we're in?"

Just leap out, crawl under the car
Say it's the gasket and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin
That's a good way to lose a man

He takes you to a baseball game
You sit knee to knee
He says, "The next man up to bat will bunt, you'll see"
Don't say, "Ooh, what's a bunt? This game's too hard for little old me"

Just say, "Bunt? Are you nuts? With no outs, two men on base
And a left-handed batter coming up, he'll walk right into a triple play
Just like it happened in the fifth game of the world series in 1923"
That's a sure way to lose a man

A sure, sure, sure, sure way to lose a man
A splendid way to lose a man
Just throw your knowledge in his face
He'll never try for second base, ninety-eight ways to go

The third way to lose a man, the life-guard at the beach
That all the girlies adore, swims bravely out
To save you through the ocean's roar, don't say, "Oh, thanks
I would have drowned in just one second more"

Just push his head under and yell
"Last one in is a rotten egg", and race him back to shore
That's a swell way to lose a man

You've found your perfect mate and it's been love from the start
He whispers,"You're the one to who I give my heart"
Don't say, "I love you too, my dear, let's never, never part"

Just say,"I'm afraid you've made a grammatical error
It's not 'to' who I give my heart', it's 'to whom I give my heart'
You see with the preposition 'to,' 'who' becomes the indirect object
Making the use of 'whom' imperative which I can prove to you
With this very simple chart
That's a fine way to lose a man

A fine, fine, fine, fine way to lose a man
A dandy way to lose a man
Just be more well-informed as he
You'll never hear "Oh, promise me"

Just tell him where his grammar errs
Then mark your towels 'hers' and 'hers'
Yes, girls, you too can lose your man
If you will use Ruth Sherwood's plan
One hundred easy ways to lose a man