Pass the Football

Look at me now
Four years of college
Famous professors
Tutoring me

Scholarship kid
Everything paid for
Food and vacations
All of it free

Day that I left
Everyone gathered
Their cheering still rings in my ears

Ray Wreck rah
Rah Wreck Ray
Rah Wreck
Wreck rah
Rah Wreck, Wreck
Wreck, we love you

'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen

Couldn't spell a lick
Couldn't do arithmetic
One and one made three
Thought that dog was C A T

But I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen

Couldn't write my name
Couldn't translate 'je vous aime'
Never learned to read
Mother Goose or Andre Gide

But I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen

Couldn't figure riddles
Puzzles made me pout
Where the hell was Moses
When the lights went out?

I couldn't even tell red from green
Get those verbs through my bean
But I was buddies with the dean
Like nothin' you have ever seen

Passed without a fuss
English Lit. and Calculus
Never had to cram
Even passed the bar exam

'Cause I passed that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen

Couldn't dance for beans
Mashed my girls to smithereens
Sometimes blood was spilled
Still my card was always filled

'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen

Then there was the week
Albert Einstein came to speak
'Relativity'
Guess who introduced him? Me

'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen

Had no table manners
Used to dunk my roll
Always drunk the water from the fingerbowl

Though I would not get up for any she
The prexy's Mom, age ninety-three
Got up and gave her seat to me
Like nothin' you did ever see

In our hall of fame
There's a statue with my name
There we stand, by heck
Lincoln, Washington and Wreck

'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever, ever seen