I Won't Say that I'm Okay

I won't hold my tongue
I'm not okay without you here
I guess what's done is done
I just feel so exposed without you near

And I won't say that I'm okay
'cause you taught me not to lie
so know that I'll miss you everyday

You always taught me to be good
and always do my best to be selfless
but I know that God is holding you
and I am so damn jealous
'cause I miss your arms around me
and the way you make me laugh
and now I'm stuck inside this prison
that says you're never coming back.

So I'm sitting in my room
as I try to write this song.
I'm so sorry that it's not good enough,
It's just that everything seems wrong.
And I keep bursting into tears
because the pain won't go away
because the Father took my best friend
and said she cannot come out to play
anymore.

I won't hold my tongue
I'm not okay without you here
I won't hold my tongue
I'm not okay without you here
I won't hold my tongue
I'm not okay without you here
I guess what's done is done
but I just feel so exposed without you near.

And I won't say that I'm okay
'cause you taught me not to lie
so know I'll miss you everyday

You always taught me to be good
and always do my best to be selfless
but I know that God is holding you
and I am so damn jealous
'cause I miss your arms around me
and the way you make me laugh
and now I'm stuck inside this prison
that says you're never coming back.

And now I'm sitting in my room
as I try to write this song.
I'm so sorry that it's not good enough,
It's just that everything seems wrong.
But I will try my best to be good
So I can pave my way
straight through the pearly gates
into your arms so we can play
once more.

spoken:
Grandma, uh, I love God with all my heart and the only reason that is instated in my life is because of you. And I really don't understand the god that you introduced me to would take you away so fast when you were the only person who understood a thing I ever said. And I really don't know how to deal with this anymore. And, I'm just really not okay with this and I miss you and I understand you're in heaven but I wanna be selfish. I don't want you to be in heaven; I want you to be back down here. I don't want you to be there. I want you to be here. What am I supposed to do now? That's all I'm asking.