How May I Help You?

[concept and lyrics by Mikee W Goodman]

This is a story bout
A little man named Rod Who did not have a mind of his own
Just went along with his pathetic lonely

Even when he went to school
The teachers said jump and he jumped and he jumped and he jumped
Then he fell on the floor

Never let his feelings out
Didn't have any friends
Once he left school he hoped
This would
All change now
But
It was not to be
The world for him to see
Mercy
Oh, mercy

Arrrgghhhh!!!!!!!!

He had to get a job
Wanted to go somewhere in the middle of nowhere to relax for a while
He went to work on a boat as a cabin boy
"Get on you knees and scrub the decks, I want to see you sweating
Make sure you're in my quarters around half past ten this evening"
He didn't like this one bit
He got to get another job
So he jumped off the boat and swam to shore to work on the beach in a bar

He met a chick working there who was just like him Not too pretty, Not too pretty
She was sad and lonely just like him
They went to the cinema together and then Went back to his room and
Made sweet loving to each others only friend Only friend

The night after he walked out of the room and heard a voice shout
"Boy! Go pick the dead rats outta the drain!!"

First day
But it's OK
From then he talks to Rodney like shit all day

But Rod, doesn't do anything, just keeps it in

He thinks, "fuck it, I just put up with this shit I got a girl and a friend I don't need nothing else"

"How are you doing, my good man?
(As Rodney gazes at Miranda) You like the ladies, eh?
I see you got good taste, Miranda is very nice girl, very nice girl"

"What's that supposed to mean? You trying something, say it!
Very friendly girl, very friendly girl, what's that supposed to mean?"

Where does he go from here, What's going on?

"Miranda your girl?"
"Yeah, what of it?"
"She very good expressing her affection for her friends,
She my girl, your girl, everyone's girl"
"So you're saying that you and all the other people that have come into this here bar have been with her?
But no one's come in for days, apart from a couple of piss-heads"
"She had lovely tight cheeks!"
"Not after I saw to her"

Rod was furious
Rod said to Miranda
"How could you do this to me?" "Well once I was with you my whole life changed!"
"So you got the confidence to disgrace yourself?"
"No longer do I want to be a slave!" "What? What did you say?"
Asked Miranda would she say sorry "You're weird, stay away from me!"
Then he put some Laxatives into her tea
(noises)

And he was on his own again