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Now you wanna talk about problems
Then the man you talk to will probably be my cousin Earl

I guess you all know
He lives out on Route 13 out on that maggot
don't like it when you get his maggot farm
Confused a worm farm
A worm farm is for worms and a farm is for maggots

And Earl's got the biggest maggots in the state, three feet
Of course, now Earl believes this be due to the fact that
St. Smithen's Facility
Has been dumping waste on his property

Interesting thing about three-foot maggots is
That, well, one day the china
And then the day his television disappeared
And then a few after that his '57 Chevy disappeared
But there are the world's biggest maggots

Anyway one day and I were standin' in the kitchen
Giant maggots across the floor
And Earl to me and he says

"Do you go to make a pork sausage
And find it's got hairs all over it?"
And he me a look that still chills me to this day

Now Earl's got a son and they call him Earl
Which I is pretty clever since he is Earl's son
He's not a normal boy
Ever since that accident

Anyway, he ran up $5,000 of 976 phone bills
He called weird, unnatural like 976-PIGG with two G's
And 976-SHEEP, has five letters in it
I know he's a boy

Earl suggested well, maybe I talk to him
So I went his bedroom and I sat him down
But I could say a word Earl Junior looked at me and he said

"Didja go to make a pork sausage
And find it's got hairs all it?"
And he me a look that still chills me to this day

Now, Earl's got a and they call her Effie-Sue
And Effie-Sue, she don't look so much a little girl
As she looks a, a big pile of fungus
Earl this too on the fact that
St. Smithen's Medical Facility has dumpin' on his maggot farm

And I never had contact with Essie, Effie-Sue
Excuse me, I don't even that much of her to get her name right
I never had contact with her
She normally just sits on the couch
Like a ball of fungus and just boils away

Well, one day, she at me
And that little of fungus opened its mouth
(Or what I was its mouth I'd hate to think what else it could be)
And out of that orifice floated the

"Didja ever go to make a, a sausage
And it's got hair all over it?"
And then that, that pile of fungus
Gave me a that chills me to this day

Now got a wife and we call her wife, we don't know her name
Because she's really said that much
For the longest we thought she could only say two words
Which were 'Dog' and 'Pussy', we thought meant 'Dog' and 'Cat'

But then we found out
she was really trying to say was "Dog-pussy"
One big hyphenated word which doesn't come up in conversation
Especially Baptists
We never heard her say anything other that

You she works down at
Down at St. Smithen's Medical and Pork Sausage Distillery
Got a paying job there although she only does say those
that one word

And we have her say another thing once
But that was a long time ago we were around the house
And she looked at me and she

"Do you ever go to make a pork
And find that it's got growin' all over it?"
And she gave me a look that chills me to day

Now one day Earl took his whole fishin' down in Miller's Creek
He took his wife who could say, "Dog-pussy"
He took his son Earl who took the day off from calling
976 - numbers
And he took that little that little ball of fungus
of his along with him

They all got in a little and they started fishing
Now St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage
Has been known to dump their stuff Miller's Creek
All sorts of heinous stuff, big barrels in the creek
With little on them that say
'St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Distillery'

Earl was fishing
And he caught a bass which had twenty-seven eyes on it
It was a twenty-seven-eyed wall-eyed
Earl at it, and decided, "Umm, wouldn't this be good to eat"

So he out his knife to cut it open
But fish looked up at him and it said
"Please, mister please eat me"
And Earl said, "But I'm I'm hungry"

"I work on a farm
My wife can say 'Dog-pussy'
My is a pile of fungus
My son spent all of his college money '976-' numbers
I to eat you"

And that said, "Please, don't eat me, mister, please"
And he said, "I to I have to"
So the fish said, "Alright then, if you're cut me open
Let me ask you one question"

Didja go to eat a pork sausage
And find it's got hairs growin' all it?"

And then all twenty-seven eyes stared back at
And they stared back at his wife who only say, 'Dog-pussy'
And they stared at his weird 976 - animal-calling son
And they stared back at that pile of pus
That for Earl's daughter

And they them a look
All twenty-seven eyes them a look
A look that they not forget until this very day
Oh, man

Videos

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