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Now you wanna talk about problems
Then the man you talk to will probably be my cousin Earl

I guess you all know
He lives out on 13 out on that maggot farm
Earl like it when you get his maggot farm
with a worm farm
A worm farm is for worms and a maggot is for maggots

And Earl's got the maggots in the state, three feet long
Of course, now Earl believes this be due to the fact that
St. Smithen's Facility
Has been dumping their on his property

thing about three-foot maggots is that
That, well, one day the disappeared
And the next day his television disappeared
And a few days after that his '57 Chevy disappeared
But there they are the biggest maggots

one day Earl and I were standin' in the kitchen
Giant crawlin' across the floor
And Earl to me and he says

"Do you ever go to make a pork
And find that got hairs all over it?"
And he gives me a look that chills me to this day

Now Earl's got a son and they call him Earl
Which I think is pretty clever since he is son
He's not a normal boy
Ever that tractor accident

Anyway, he ran up $5,000 of 976 phone bills
He called weird, unnatural numbers like with two G's
And 976-SHEEP, which has five in it
I know a sick boy

suggested that well, maybe I talk to him
So I went his bedroom and I sat him down
But before I could say a word Earl looked at me and he said

"Didja ever go to a pork sausage
And find it's got hairs all it?"
And he gave me a look still chills me to this day

Now, Earl's got a daughter and call her Effie-Sue
And Effie-Sue, she don't look so like a little girl
As she looks like a, a big pile of
Earl this too on the fact that
St. Smithen's Medical Facility has dumpin' on his maggot farm

And I never had much with Essie, Effie-Sue
me, I don't even think that much of her to get her name right
I never had contact with her
She normally just sits on the couch
Like a little of fungus and just boils away

Well, one day, she at me
And little ball of fungus opened its mouth
(Or what I guess was its I'd hate to think what else it could be)
And out of orifice floated the words

"Didja ever go to a, a pork sausage
And it's got hair all over it?"
And that, that little pile of fungus
me a look that chills me to this day

Now Earl's got a wife and we call her wife, we don't know her
Because never really said that much
For the longest time we thought she could say two words
were 'Dog' and 'Pussy', we thought that meant 'Dog' and 'Cat'

But then we found out
What she was trying to say was "Dog-pussy"
One big hyphenated word which come up much in conversation
amongst Baptists
We never heard her say anything other than

You know she works at
Down at St. Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery
Got a paying job there although she only does say those
Well that one

And we have heard her say another thing
But that was a time ago we were sittin' around the house
And she at me and she said

"Do you ever go to a pork sausage
And that it's got hairs growin' all over it?"
And she gave me a look that chills me to day

Now one day Earl took his whole family fishin' down in Creek
He took his who could only say, "Dog-pussy"
He took his son Earl who took the day off from calling
976 - barnyard
And he took that little that little ball of daughter
Effie-Sue of his along him

They all got in a little boat and they started
Now St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage
Has been known to dump their stuff into Miller's
All of heinous stuff, big barrels floatin' in the creek
With things on them that say
'St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Distillery'

Anyway Earl was
And he caught a wall-eyed bass which had eyes on it
It was a twenty-seven-eyed wall-eyed
Earl looked at it, and decided, "Umm, this be good to eat"

So he took out his knife to cut it
But that looked up at him and it said
"Please, please don't eat me"
And Earl said, "But I'm I'm hungry"

"I on a maggot farm
My can only say 'Dog-pussy'
My daughter is a pile of
My son spent all of his money calling '976-' numbers
I to eat you"

And that said, "Please, don't eat me, mister, please"
And he said, "I to I have to"
So the fish said, "Alright then, if you're cut me open
Let me ask you one question"

ever go to eat a pork sausage
And find it's got hairs all over it?"

And all twenty-seven eyes stared back at Earl
And they stared back at his wife who could say, 'Dog-pussy'
And they back at his weird 976 - animal-calling son
And they stared back at little pile of pus
That passes for daughter

And they gave them a
All twenty-seven eyes them a look
A look that they will not forget until this day
Oh, man

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