Bigger, longer, & original script (only until movie scene now) [Stan:] There's a bunch of birds in the sky, and some deer just went running by, oh the snow's pure and white on the Earth rich and brown! another Sunday morning in my quiet mountain town!!! The sun is shining and the grass is green, under the three feet of snow, I mean. This is the day when it's hard to wear a frown! All the happy people stop to say hello! Get out of my way! [Stan:] Even though the temperature is low, it's a perfect Sunday morning in my quiet, mountain town! mom:] Well, good morning, Stan! [Stan:] Mom! Can I have eight to see a movie? [Stan's mom:] A [Stan:] Yeah! It's gonna be the movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada! [Stan's mom:] Alright, you go, but be back for supper! Thanks mom! [Stan's mom:] Oh what a picture perfect child, just like Jesus he's tender and mild, and he'd wear a while he wore a thorny crown! What an angel with a heart so sweat and sure, a mind so open and pure. Thank god we live in this quiet, redneck mountain town! [Stan:] (Knocks on door) Dude, wake up! Kenny! on! Coming! [Stan:] Kenny! The Terrance and Philip movie is out! Wanna [Kenny:] Of I want to come, let's go! [Kenny's mom:] Where do you think goin'? [Kenny:] Goin' to go see the and Philip movie! [Kenny's You can't! You have to go to church! [Kenny:] But mom, I really want to see movie! [Kenny's Fine! You go ahead and miss church! But when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan! OK! [Stan:] You see your breath in the air, you see homeless people but you just don't care, it's a sea of smiles in which we'd be glad to drown! [Kenny:] ya know our little town is something to seeee, and it really is important to meeee! [Stan:] That's right! It's Sunday morning in our quiet, little, bred, redneck mountain town!
Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh! [Kyle:] Ike, Kick the baby! Don't kick the baby! [Kyle:] the baby! (Kicks Ike through window) [Sheila:] Ike! You broke another window! a bad baby! Bad baby! [Stan:] Kyle! going to the Terrance and Philip movie! [Kenny:] (Shows ad) Oh my god, dude! [Sheila:] Kyle, are you going?! [Kyle:] uhh... we're ice-skating! [Sheila:] Well, your little brother out with you! [Kyle:] aw mom, he's not even my brother! He's adopted! Do as I say Kyle! OK, OK, I'm sorry! [Sheila:] Look at Frail and Fragile boys, it really gets me down! The world is such a rotten place, and city life is a complete disgrace! That's why I moved to this redneck meshugannah, quiet mountain toooown!!!!! (Ike through window) Ike! Bad baby! (Ike: Bah-buh-buh!) [TV ad:] This program was brought to you by snacky snoodle; the fun of smores in a delightful crunch. (Ding-dong!) Mom!! Somebody's at the door! [Ms. Coming hon! Hey! Can't see the TV! [TV Reporter:] It's been six weeks since Saddam Hessian was by a pack of wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him. [Ms. Oh look Eric! It's your little friends Fireman! [Eric:] What're you guys here? (shows ad) [Eric:] Oh, dude! YES, YES!!! [All four kids:] Off to the movies we shall go, where we learn everything that we know, because the movies us what our parents don't have time to say! And this movie's gonna make our lives complete! 'Cause Terrance and Philips are sweet! (Eric: Super Sweet!) Thank god we live in this quiet, little, redneck, po-dunk white-trash(Kenny: Kick ass!) U.S.AAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (Stan: Can I have five tickets to Terrance and Philips; Asses of Fire, please?) NO! [Kyle:] do you mean no? [Clerk:] Terrance and Philip; Asses of Fire has been rated R from the Motion Picture of America; you have to be accompanied by a parent or guardian. But why? [Clerk:] this movie has naughty language! Next please... (Six-graders come and get ticket clerk) Th-This can't be happening! [Kyle:] We have to see movie, dude... [Eric:] Ah, screw it, it probably all that good anyway. [Kyle:] Cartman, what are you about? You love Terrance and Philip! Yeah, but the animation is all crappy. [Stan:] Wait, got an idea!
[Homeless man:] uh...hi. I want six to Asses of Fire. [Clerk:] movie might not be appropriate for your young ones. [Homeless man] Hey, he this movie isn't appropriate for you. [Stan:] Look Mr. Homeless guy, if you don't want to buy us tickets, and not get ten bucks, and not go buy yourself a bottle of Vodka, then be my guest. [Homeless Six tickets, please... (ding)
[Kyle:] Let me some candy, Cartman. [Eric:] Oh let's see, uh... nope, I don't have any candy. [Kyle:] Like you need all that Chocolate, fat boy! Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh! [Stan:] Shh! The starting! ( Starts) Hooray! [Philip:] Say, Terrance... What did the Spanish priest say to the Uranium [Terrance:] I don't know, Philip, ( farts in Terrance's face) ( laugh) {Stan:] Where do the come up this stuff? You're such a pig fuckah, Philip! [Kyle:] What did he Terrance, why did you call me a pig fuckah? [Terrance:] Oh, well, see... first of all, you fuck pigs! Oh yeah! ( laugh) [Terrance:] Yeah fuck my ass and me a bitch! [Philip:] Oh you faced cockmaster! Shit faced cockmaster...! [Terrance:] Listen, you shit-eater! Donkey-raping shit-eater... [Ike:] sheed-eatah! [Terrance:] You'd your uncle! [Philip:] fuck your uncle! [Terrance:] Shut your fucking face uncle fucka a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka you're an uncle fucka, yes it's true nobody fucks uncles quite like you! [Phillip:] Shut your fucking face uncle fucka you're the one that fucked your uncle, fucka you don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, you just fuck your uncle all day long! [farting Hmm! [farting [farting [Mounty:] What's going on [Farting [Lady:] garbage! [Man:] Well, what do you They're Canadian. [People:] Fucker fucker uncle uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka [T & P:] Shut your fucking face uncle [Terrance:] fucka [Terrance:] You're a boner bastard uncle fucka [Phillip:] You're an uncle fucka I say [Terrance:] Well you fucked your yesterday (laughing)] [People:] fucka... that's [Everyone:] U-N-C-L-E you Uncle tonight... [Phillip:] my balls!