Big John

Every day at the shoot you could hear him arrive
Had a Chevy Cavalier... just barely alive
Had a speedrail bumper and some broken glass
And everybody knew ya better watch your ass... 'round Don.

(Big Don, Big Don) Big Bad Don (Big Don)

Nobody seemed to care where Don came from
He just came to the gigs... like a betamax bum
He didn't say much, kinda quiet and shy
Crews started wonderin' if he ever got high... Big Don.

Somebody said he came from louisville way
Said they dug him from the mud by the river one day
So they hosed him on down and they threw on some clothes
Made him be a fluffer at pornography shows... Big Don

(Big Don, Big Don) Big Bad Don (Big Don)

Then came that day at the end of a shoot
When a lighting truss cracked while the crew snorted toot
All the PA's were cryin' and a-shittin' their pants
And everyone thought it was their final last dance-'cept Don

Through the sparks and the smoke of this tunafish hell
Walked a giant of a man that the crew could smell
Grabbed a saggin' truss, and let out a fart
And like a giant oak tree he just stood there apart-Big Don

(Big Don, Big Don) Big Bad Don (Big Don)

And with all of his strength he gave a mighty lift
Then he shit his pants and he stood there and wiffed
And twelve crew scrambled from beneath that truss
Associate producer questioned "What's the fuss... with Don?"

With a seven foot chain and a bolt and a nut
They tied up the lights to a ceiling strut
And Don dropped his hands and he said with a smile
"Golly pooper candle heavy washy doodoo awhile"-that's Don

(Big Don, Big Don) Big Bad Don (Big Don)

Now they never did finish that two-bit shoot
Not a thing in the can and expenses to boot
And they all went home to a husband or wife
But Don just stood there for the rest of his life-Big Don

(Big Don, Big Don) Big Bad Don (Big Don)