Grasshopper Mac Clain

Me and that navy ain't speakin' at sailin'
I tell you I'm through
On the advice of a doc I got me a shock
I had to have somethin' to do

These nerves I got are from soakin' too long
When the ship got hit by a plane
And right here about four years back
I met Grasshopper Mac Clain

The sun was a burnin' and the desert red hot
When his mother drove in with a flat
She went inside to cool off with a beer
And I saw her kid in the back

He lay on the seat in the swelterin' heat
With hair the color of flame
A red headed mite but smilin' and bright was
Little ol' Grasshopper Mac Clain

I fixed her tire and was totin' him 'round
When she asked me how much she owed
I just laughed and said boy I settle for him
And to my surprise she drove off down the road

I figured she'd sober and come hurryin' back
But for three long years she never came
And all that time I was mother and dad
To little ol' Grasshopper Mac Clain

I'd tell him of ships I'd sailed on the seas
When I put him in bed at night
And that freckle faced kid was as sharp as a tack
And quick as a mate for a fight

I thought I'd wait till he growed a bit
And let him pick out his own name
One day he came in with a bug in his hand
And he said me, "Grasshopper Mac Clain"

Oh, he'd mimic my walk and he'd mimic my talk
Like my shadow he just tagged me around
Even had to be checked every time
I was checked by the navy doc over the town

The doc'd laugh and thump his little ole chest
And say feller you're right as rain
Then he'd turn to me and tell me that I'd be a new man
Thanks to Grasshopper MacClain

I guess, you wonder why I'm tellin' you this
Well, that's why I'm here doin' time
For a bang and a sheriff and a red headed dame
That came to take what was mine

Oh, but you should've seen the way he fought
You could tell that kid was navy trained
But this lonely cell wouldn't be so much like hell
If I only had Grasshopper Mac Clain