You Are What You Wear

EVELYN:
This is a big birthday for Patrick, Courtney, so thank you for helping me co-host.

COURTNEY:
Anything for you, Evelyn. You look to die for.

EVELYN:
Thank you, Courtney.
I want blackened shark,
Mahi mahi.
Works so well
With Isaac Mizrahi.

COURTNEY:
I'll have soda,
And crème de menthe.
Tastes so good
With Oscar de la Renta.

EVELYN:
The ginger mango soy black bass
Compliments the beige Bill Blass
I will not touch
A drop of red wine

BOTH:
Don't wanna ruin the Calvin Klein.

Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani
Moschino, Alia, or Norma Kamali
Should I rock
The Betsey Johnson
Or stick with classic
Comme des Garçon
No parachute
Or Fiorucci
I'm with Prada
I'm with Gucci
When one goes shopping
It's best to take care
As some of us know
You are what you wear.

EVELYN:
I will try on
These Maud Frizon

COURTNEY:
I think I'll go
To Ferragamo

EVELYN:
I don't know if
I'm such a fan
Of your purple suede Charles Jourdan.

BOTH:
But let's be clear,
There's nothing ironic
About our love of
Manolo Blahnik.
No, there's nothing
Remotely ironic
About our love of
Manolo Blahnik.

Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani
Moschino, Alia, or Norma Kamali
Should I rock
The Betsey Johnson
Or stick with classic
Comme des Garçon
In a certain kind of neighborhood
You might get away with Vivian Westwood
But by von Furstenberg we swear
It's a wrap
You are what you wear.

EVELYN:
Hello?

JEAN:
Hi, Evelyn? I have Patrick for you.

EVELYN:
Patrick, are you getting excited, birthday boy? Now, listen, your brother and mother are already here - she won't take off her sunglasses, she refuses to say anything - I'm worried she hates me, Patrick.

PATRICK BATEMAN:
No, she doesn't, she's just heavily medicated. Listen, can we add Paul Owen to the mix?

EVELYN:
What? Add who?

PATRICK BATEMAN:
Paul. Owen. Read my lips: it's for work.

EVELYN:
No, you are not screwing up my dinner party with your latest neurotic obsession.

PATRICK BATEMAN:
He's coming, Evelyn! I invited him, it's my birthday dinner.

EVELYN:
I will not have an odd number at my table, Patrick! This isn't Brooklyn!

PATRICK BATEMAN:
Well, invite someone else. Can't Courtney bring Luis?

COURTNEY:
Luis is flying back from Phoenix tonight.

EVELYN:
Luis is unavailable.

PATRICK BATEMAN:
Fuck sake, Evelyn, it doesn't matter. I'll bring Jean. Jean, are you still on the line?

JEAN:
I am.

PATRICK BATEMAN:
So, do you have plans tonight?

JEAN:
No, nothing I couldn't change, but Patrick, look, I -

PATRICK BATEMAN:
Perfect, then you'll come to Evelyn's.

JEAN:
What do I wear?

PATRICK BATEMAN:
What you have on is... Acceptable.

JEAN:
What am I supposed to do?

PATRICK BATEMAN:
Simple recon, Jean. Find out how a douchebag like Paul Owen managed to score the Fischer account.

CHORUS:
Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani
Moschino, Alia, or Norma Kamali
Should I rock
The Betsey Johnson
Or stick with classic
Comme des Garçon
No parachute
Or Fiorucci
I'm with Prada
I'm with Gucci
Missoni, Versace,
Which one is best?
The guys just buzz,
Do I look underdressed?