Tom: I'm going to come back and I'm going to start a massage center only for for... Mark: I'm to start my own nudist colony Tom: That be grose, you tried that in our bus one time Mark: I tried to start our own nudist colony in our bus and it was pretty just me hanging out naked, they love you Tom Tom: love me so fuck everybody else Mark: Yea fuck all you out there that are cheering, yea we hate you Tom you suck dick burn in hell Tom: Yea fuck that, hey I say I say fuck the hating Tom that's what I say, are we ready Mark Mark: You know what it is you know what it is a lot of these people are just now hopping on the we hate Tom bandwagon, like I've been hating tom since 1995 I'm old school hating Tom guy alright Tom: Oh shit, hey let's all say some dirty words, say fuck, everybody say shit, everyone say dick, everyone say Mark's an ass hole Everyone say, everyone say we hate Mark, yea Tom: Hey now let's do this one, everyone say fuck fuck fuck, that's the kind of words you should be using at home kids Mark: right Tom: do we do now Mark: I want everyone to me an ass hole again What's up I like your hair it's very nice Mark: You like his oh cool thanks he probably appreciates that a lot Tom: I wanted to say I liked your but but I thought that was to foward you Mark: Hey this next song is for all the in the hezouse, hea he it's for all the ladies in the heoueoueouze Mark! Mark: Shut the fuck up Mark: It's for all the ladies in the houaeiouze, weee. Hey you know what hang on I want to this like a (belch) exuse me Mark: Tom Sorry Mark: I want to make this like a big golf tournimant everyone up everybody just clap like it's a golf tourniment Tom: That's what it sounds like when I get done having sex, 15,000 people cheering me on, I could take all of you in my bed right fucking now, but you're not invited Mark. You have got giant boobs and I doubt you're 18, do you have a note your mom, I want to meet your mom... Mark: Hey put those 13 year old boobs away, if I wanted to see 13 year old boobs I'd hang out by the Junior like my dad like my dad does Tom: Hey you know I learned in fifth grade Mark: What's that your dad has a weiner Tom: My dad's weiner was bigger than mine and still is Mark: I want everyone here to scream, fuck you Tom,we fucking hate you you're going to burn in hell and die a horrible firery death we hate you stupid pieces of shit Tom: I that Thanks Tom: You want to give me your shirt, this like blood and feces, dinner time ok what does this say here Mark: It smells like blood and feces, so your dad's shirt Tom: Hey uh just like every other band we believe in a safe form of sex don't we Mark, that we do so Mark's going to tell you about how we are Mark: Let me tell you about the safest form of sex, it's when you get drunk and you have sex with like ten people totally unprotected and you do intravenous drugs at the same time, no it's not true Tom: It's not true you have to carry a weapon. How many of you guys have girlfreinds and how of your girlfriends have guy friends, I hope you're not having sex Mark: And more importanly how many of your have girlfriends Tom: Cause' we believe in the that exists between two vaginas Mark: The most special of love of all is the love that exists between two naked women while I watch Tom: We need her to put her shirt on Please Tom: It just took away my boner, my boner just died, I had one and now it's Mark: Please I saw your boobs and my wiener ran away. Hey hey hang on everyone everyone seriously I need your attention for just a please, I think somebody lost a contact down here so everyone look around a contact lense hey someone lost a contact lense so uh... I lost my virinity Mark: an I out for it Tom: I a testacle, hey what if testacles were things you could lose on a everyday basis that would suck, you've only got three, hey I've got to go pee pee Mark: Do you want to go pee and I'll talk to the for a second Do you think you can talk for enough time No uh uh Tom: Why don't you gather thoughts Mark: Why don't you just wet pants and we'll call it even Tom: Should I just piss in my pants right here, if you guys all pitch in a dollar each I'll piss my pants right here now, that should pay me about bucks maybe Mark: I'll you three-hundred dollars to piss your pants right now Tom: I'll give you bucks to eat my shit Mark: Tom: Sold, apparently there's a kid that's hurt right now and I think they're helping out right now, it looks like they're right there Mark: Make a people make a hole All you people over there make way for the hurt kid and bring me their wallet Mark: I wish now you let me tell you guys something... I'm gay! Mark: There's thousands and thousands of people here today there's like semis and fucking buses and multiple bands and all of shit, I wish now I would have taken bass lessons, sorry sorry So do I, I wish you did too Mark: I'm thinking for Christmas this year I'm to ask for lessons Tom: I know a guy, he has sex with his sister, he used his dick to pop her four foot blister, and I know it's not that cool, he fucked her in my swimming pool, he's got three testacles, and he loves to do shit, yea. Hey how come every time we say a joke it has to be about fucking sex masturbation insest, or anything grose like that you know Is there anything else in the world Tom: There's nothing to talk about Mark: Hey can you that little girl out of there she's not having so much fun right now, hey Tom: Uh me, security guard sir Mark: The one in front of you, yea Tom: Yea that girl right there needs to come out, if you're a small person the front is not the best view, and if you hate seeing shitty bands any of this is not a view, this whole everything every seat here. Mark's middle name is Rebecca, they thought he was a... Mark: right, my middle names Rebecca because my dad wanted a girl, he treats me like one Tom: I still have to go pee and I'm holding it in still, I'll piss my pants for money, I'll eat a nugget of my own poop for twenty bucks, I'll pay you twenty bucks and I'll eat it Mark: You your ass Tom: You have hair on nothing but your balls, Mark has no hair on his whole body but a fucking wolverine growning in his pants, I swear to God, it's got and shit It's true Tom: He's got a scary looking Mark: true I need your tax deductable donations for the shave Mark's balls program, please Tom: It's for charity Mark: Please send what you can, donate time Tom: You think that we're touring for our own, no this is a charity tour for Mark's balls Mark: We're to raise enough money to shave my nuts, please give generously Tom: There's no metal strong enough to be the teeth on any kind of electric shaver, what do we do now, oh I need a new Mark: We need a new guitar, we need a new guitarist, any one out there guitar Tom: Does anybody know how to play cause' I'm not very good, people don't really respect me Mark: If I were a girl, every time I went to the gynecologist, I'd an orgasm Bad kids Mark: Bad spirit Tom: Bad spirit Mark: Hey ok I need now Tom: going to point out every single person that didn't sing Mark: Santa Claus is going to come to your house and shit under all your Tom: Santa Claus is going to come rape your dogs, Oh God you know what I'm kind of ashamed of being myself today, and yesterday and the day before that, not really pround of who I am or how I look. Any one have one of those days were you don't even really like what you're wearing, you know, you don't like how your hair looks, and kind of bumed about how your penis is so small and bent and wierd. That is the ugliest but I have ever seen. Let's hear it for not wiping! And this guy fuck wiping dude, down the rain forest. Ok this is a song I wrote... Mark: That guy has a fair project up his ass Tom: Uh what head's up seven up, everyone close your eyes and if I by and if I come by and put my finger in you but than you're the one. I think that has a couple of comments: Well kids it's been a really fun show, and I want you all to know that come back soon, but before I go I want to say I think Tom is extemely good looking and all the girls out there should think he's good looking. Tom has one of the best butts that I've ever seen, shimi shimi coco puff shimi shimi right shimi shimi coco puff. Does anybody here want to sleep with me. I'm really a nice guy, it's really not Satan... It's me it's not Satan let's all be he's not here say fuck Satan
Alright I'm out of and out of songs, I think we're done.