Abbott: How do you how do you my ball club Lou? Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today? Certainly. Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a of a game! Abbott: it should be. Hey, Abbott Abbott: Costello: I understand they made you the manager of here whole great team. Abbott: Why Costello: So you the I'm the manager! Costello: Well, you know, Id like to know some of the guys names on the team so when I meet em on the street or in the Ill be able to say, Hello, to those people. Abbott: Why sure Ill introduce you to the boys. give em funny names though, Lou. Costello: Oh I know they give those ball awful funny names. Abbott: Well, lets see, on the team we have uh Whos on first, on second, I Don't Know is on third Costello: Are you the Yes. Costello: You know the names? I sure do. Costello: tell me the guys names. Abbott: I say, on first, Whats on second, I Dont Knows on third and then you You the manager? Yes. Costello: You know the names? Im telling you their names! Costello: Well whos on Yeah. Costello: Go and tell me. Who. The guy on first. Who. Costello: The guy playin base. Who. The guy on first. Who is on first! Costello: What are you askin me for? Im you! Abbott: Im not you, Im telling you. You aint tellin me nothin. Im askin you, whos on first? Abbott: it! Costello: Well go and tell me. Who! Costello: The guy on base. Thats his name. Costello: Thats whose Yes. Costello: Well go and tell me. Abbott: Thats the name! Costello: Thats whose Yeah! Costello: Well go ahead and me! Who is on first. Costello: What are you askin me for? Im askin you, on first? Thats it. Costello: Well go ahead and me. Who. The guy on first. Abbott: it. Whats the guys name on first? Abbott: No, on second. Costello: Im not you whos on second! Abbott: on first. Thats what Im askin you! Whos on first? Abbott: Now wait a minute. change the players. Costello: Im not nobody! I asked you a simple question. Whats the guys name on first base? Abbott: Whats the guys name on base. Costello: Im not askin you on second! Abbott: on first. Costello: I know. Abbott: Hes on third. Now were not about him. Costello: Look, you got a baseman? Yes. Costello: tell me the fellas name playin first. Who. Costello: The guy first. Abbott: his name. WaitWhats the guys name on first base? Abbott: What is the name on second base! Costello: Whos playin Abbott: playin first. I dont know. Abbott: Hes on base. Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every of it. Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, dont Yeah. Costello: Does he you a receipt? Sure. Costello: How he sign the receipt? Who. Costello: The guy that you the money to. Who. Costello: The guy you the money to. Thats how he signs it. Costello: Thats how who it? Yes. Costello: go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: Thats it. Thats who? Yeah. Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesnt he to sign the receipt? He does! Costello: how does he sign his name? Who. Costello: The guy you give the to. Abbott: Thats how he it! Costello: You! YouYou just dont give money to without having em sign the receipt! No! Who signs it. Costello: are you askin me for? Now calm down. Im not asking you, I am telling you. The Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Whats the guys name that the receipt on first base? Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What his own receipt. Costello: Who signs his own Abbott: No, Who his. Costello: Im askin you, the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper Abbott: Yes, now Costello: he his name on it. Abbott: No, Who puts his on it How Abbott: and what puts his on it Costello: How does the fellas name on first base look to you when he his name? Who. To you. Abbott: how it does. Costello: How does it to you? Who! To you. Who! To you. Abbott: Who! Costello: the guy signs his name, how does it look to you? Abbott: Now how it looks. Who. Costello: How? Who. Costello: Im askin you. Whats the guys name on first base you the money to? Abbott: Who! After all, the mans to it Who is? Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife down and collects it. Whose wife? Yeah, sure. Costello: All Im tryin to find out is the guys name on first base Abbott: What is on base. Im not askin you whos on second. Abbott: on first. I dont know. Hes third... Costello: base, I know. Yeah. Costello: You got a Sure. Costello: The left fielders Why. Costello: I just Id ask you. Abbott: I just thought Id tell you. The left fielders name? Why!? HmmBecause! Oh, hes centerfield. Oh Abbott: you all these players got Costello: All Im tryin to out is whats the guys name in leftfield. Now, Whats on second. Costello: Im not you whos on second. Whos on first. Costello: I dont Both: base. Costello: You got a pitcher on this Abbott: Wouldnt be a team without a pitcher. Costello: Whats his Tomorrow. Costello: You want to tell me today? Im telling you. Costello: go ahead. Tomorrow!? Costello: time? Abbott: What time Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me whos Now listen. Who is not Costello: Ill break your arm, you say whos on first! I to know whats the pitchers name? Abbott: on second. Costello: I know. Third base! Costello: You got a Sure. Costello: The catchers Today. Costello: Today. You dont wanna me, tomorrow do you? Im telling you. Costello: So the catchers Today. Costello: Today. And pitching. Abbott: Now got it! Now Ive got it Hey! Costello: All we got is a couple of on the team! Abbott: I cant help that. Costello: All right. You know now, Im a catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and Tomorrows pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Yes. Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; Im gonna the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now thats the thing youve said right. I dont even know what Im talkin about! Abbott: thatsThats all you have Costello: Thats all I have to do is to the ball to first base. Now whos got it? Naturally. Now youve got it. Costello: I the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get the ball! Now whos got it? Naturally. Costello: Naturally. Costello: Naturally. Costello: So I up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. No, no, no, no Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball Abbott: You the ball to first base. Costello: who gets it? Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I it to Naturally. No! Costello: Naturally the ball andand Abbott: You throw the to Who. Naturally. Naturally. Costello: Thats Im saying! Youre not saying it Costello: I said, I throw the to Naturally. No you dont! Costello: I throw it to Naturally. Costello: Thats Im saying! No it isnt. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, gotta get it. Abbott: So Who it. Naturally. Abbott: it. Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who it? Naturally. Costello: as you! Now listen Costello: I the ball to Naturally. You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it? Naturally. Costello: He better get it! So I throw the to first base. All right. Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. throws it to I Dont Know. I Dont Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play. Could be. Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly to Because. Yes. Costello: I dont know! Hes on third and I dont give a darn! Abbott: you say? Costello: I said, I give a darn! Oh, thats our shortstop!