Abbott: How do you how do you like my club Lou? Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game Certainly. Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a of a game! Well it should be. Costello: Hey, What? Costello: I understand made you the manager of this here whole great team. Abbott: Why Costello: So you the I'm the manager! Costello: Well, you know, Id like to know some of the guys names on the team so when I em on the street or in the ballpark Ill be able to say, Hello, to those people. Abbott: Why sure Ill introduce you to the boys. They give em funny though, Lou. Costello: Oh I know they give those ball awful funny names. Abbott: Well, lets see, on the team we have uh on first, Whats on second, I Don't Know is on third Costello: Are you the Yes. Costello: You the guys names? Abbott: I do. Costello: Then tell me the names. Abbott: I say, Whos on first, Whats on second, I Knows on third and then you You the manager? Yes. Costello: You the guys names? Abbott: Im you their names! Costello: Well whos on Yeah. Costello: Go and tell me. Who. The guy on first. Who. Costello: The guy first base. Who. The guy on first. Who is on first! Costello: What are you askin me for? Im you! Abbott: Im not asking you, Im you. Costello: You aint me nothin. Im askin you, whos on first? Thats it! Costello: Well go ahead and me. Who! Costello: The guy on base. Thats his name. Costello: Thats whose Yes. Costello: go ahead and tell me. Abbott: the mans name! Costello: Thats whose Yeah! Costello: Well go ahead and me! Who is on first. Costello: What are you askin me Im askin you, whos on first? Thats it. Costello: Well go and tell me. Who. The guy on first. Abbott: it. Costello: Whats the name on first? No, Whats on second. Costello: Im not askin you on second! Whos on first. Costello: what Im askin you! Whos on first? Abbott: Now wait a minute. change the players. Costello: Im not changin nobody! I asked you a simple question. Whats the guys name on base? Abbott: Whats the name on second base. Im not askin you whos on second! Abbott: on first. I dont know. Abbott: Hes on third. Now not talking about him. Costello: Look, you got a baseman? Yes. Costello: Then tell me the fellas playin first. Who. Costello: The guy first. Abbott: his name. Costello: the guys name on first base? What is the guys name on second base! Costello: Whos playin Abbott: Whos first. I dont know. Abbott: Hes on base. Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman month, who gets the money? Abbott: dollar of it. Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to on first base, dont you? Yeah. Costello: he give you a receipt? Sure. Costello: How does he sign the Who. Costello: The guy that you give the to. Who. Costello: The guy you give the to. Thats how he signs it. Costello: how who signs it? Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and me!?Abbott: Thats it. Costello: Thats Yeah. Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesnt he have to sign the He does! Costello: Well how does he sign his Who. Costello: The guy you give the to. Abbott: how he signs it! Costello: You! YouYou just dont give money to someone without having em the receipt! Abbott: No! Who it. What are you askin me for? Abbott: Now calm down. Im not you, I am telling you. The Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Whats the guys name that signs the receipt on base? Abbott: Well now a minute. What signs his own receipt. Who signs his own receipt? Abbott: No, Who his. Costello: Im askin you, when the guy on first base gives you a of paper Yes, now wait Costello: he his name on it. No, Who puts his name on it How Abbott: and puts his name on it Costello: How the fellas name on first base look to you when he signs his name? Who. To you. Abbott: how it does. How does it look to you? Who! To you. Who! To you. Abbott: Who! Costello: the guy signs his name, how does it look to you? Now thats how it looks. Who. Costello: How? Who. Costello: Im askin you. Whats the guys name on base you give the money to? Abbott: Who! After all, the mans to it Who is? Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife down and collects it. Costello: Whose Yeah, sure. Costello: All Im tryin to find out is whats the guys name on first What is on second base. Costello: Im not askin you on second. Whos on first. Costello: I know. Hes third... Costello: base, I know. Yeah. Costello: You got a Sure. Costello: The left fielders Why. Costello: I just Id ask you. Well I just thought Id tell you. Costello: The fielders name? Why!? HmmBecause! Oh, hes centerfield. Oh Abbott: you all these players got Costello: All Im tryin to out is whats the guys name in leftfield. Now, Whats on second. Costello: Im not askin you on second. Whos on first. Costello: I know Third base. Costello: You got a on this team? Abbott: Wouldnt be a fine team a pitcher. Costello: his name? Tomorrow. Costello: You dont want to tell me Abbott: Im you. Then go ahead. Tomorrow!? Costello: What Abbott: time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me whos Now listen. Who is not Costello: Ill your arm, you say whos on first! I want to know whats the pitchers name? Abbott: on second. I dont know. Both: base! You got a catcher? Sure. Costello: The catchers Today. Costello: Today. You dont wanna tell me, tomorrow do Im telling you. Costello: So the catchers Today. Costello: Today. And pitching. Now youve got it! Now Ive got it Hey! Costello: All we got is a of days on the team! Abbott: Well I help that. Costello: All right. You now, Im a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and Tomorrows pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Yes. Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; Im gonna the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now thats the first thing said right. Costello: I even know what Im talkin about! Abbott: Well all you have Thats all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now whos got it? Abbott: Naturally. Now got it. I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get the ball! Now whos got it? Naturally. Costello: Naturally. Costello: Naturally. Costello: So I up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. No, no, no, no Costello: He the ball. Naturally gets the ball andNat Abbott: You throw the ball to base. Costello: who gets it? Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the and I throw it to Naturally. No! Costello: Naturally gets the ball Abbott: You the ball to Who. Naturally. Naturally. Costello: what Im saying! Abbott: not saying it I said, I throw the ball to Naturally. No you dont! Costello: I it to who? Naturally. Costello: what Im saying! No it isnt. Costello: I throw the to first base, somebodys gotta get it. Abbott: So Who it. Naturally. Abbott: it. Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who it? Naturally. Costello: as you! Abbott: Now Costello: I throw the to Naturally. Abbott: You the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it? Naturally. Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to base. All right. Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the and throws it to What. What throws it to I Dont Know. I Dont Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play. Could be. Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a fly ball to Because. Yes. Costello: Why? I dont know! Hes on third and I give a darn! Abbott: you say? Costello: I said, I give a darn! Abbott: Oh, our shortstop!