Abbott: How do you how do you like my ball club Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game Certainly. Costello: Ah, is gonna be a whopper of a game! Abbott: Well it be. Hey, Abbott Abbott: Costello: I understand they you the manager of this here whole great team. Why not? Costello: So you the I'm the manager! Costello: Well, you know, Id to know some of the guys names on the team so when I meet em on the street or in the ballpark Ill be able to say, Hello, to those people. Abbott: Why sure Ill introduce you to the boys. give em funny names though, Lou. Costello: Oh I know they those ball players awful funny names. Abbott: Well, lets see, on the team we have uh Whos on first, Whats on second, I Know is on third Are you the manager? Yes. Costello: You know the guys Abbott: I do. Costello: Then me the guys names. Abbott: I say, Whos on first, Whats on second, I Dont on third and then you You the manager? Yes. Costello: You know the guys Im telling you their names! Costello: Well whos on Yeah. Costello: Go and tell me. Who. The guy on first. Who. Costello: The guy first base. Who. The guy on first. Who is on first! Costello: What are you me for? Im askin you! Abbott: Im not you, Im telling you. You aint tellin me nothin. Im askin you, whos on first? Abbott: it! Costello: Well go and tell me. Who! Costello: The guy on base. Thats his name. Costello: Thats whose Yes. Costello: Well go and tell me. Abbott: Thats the name! Thats whose name? Yeah! Costello: go ahead and tell me! Who is on first. Costello: are you askin me for? Im askin you, whos on first? Thats it. Costello: Well go and tell me. Who. The guy on first. Abbott: it. Costello: Whats the guys name on No, Whats on second. Costello: Im not askin you on second! Whos on first. Costello: Thats what Im you! Whos on first? Now wait a minute. Dontdont change the players. Costello: Im not changin nobody! I asked you a simple question. Whats the guys name on first Abbott: Whats the guys on second base. Costello: Im not askin you on second! Abbott: on first. Costello: I know. Abbott: Hes on third. Now were not about him. Costello: Look, you got a baseman? Yes. Costello: tell me the fellas name playin first. Who. Costello: The guy first. Thats his name. Costello: WaitWhats the guys on first base? Abbott: What is the name on second base! Costello: Whos second? Whos playin first. Costello: I know. Hes on third base. Costello: Look, when you pay off the first every month, who gets the money? Abbott: dollar of it. Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, dont you? Yeah. Costello: Does he you a receipt? Sure. Costello: How does he the receipt? Who. Costello: The guy you give the money to. Who. Costello: The guy you the money to. Abbott: how he signs it. Thats how who signs it? Yes. Costello: Well go and tell me!?Abbott: Thats it. Costello: who? Yeah. Costello: When you give the guy the money, he have to sign the receipt? He does! Costello: Well how does he sign his Who. Costello: The guy you give the to. Abbott: how he signs it! Costello: You! YouYou just dont give to someone without having em sign the receipt! Abbott: No! Who it. Costello: are you askin me for? Abbott: Now calm down. Im not you, I am telling you. The Costello: Well go and tell me. Whats the guys name that signs the receipt on first base? Abbott: Well now wait a minute. signs his own receipt. Costello: Who his own receipt? No, Who signs his. Costello: Im askin you, when the guy on base gives you a piece of paper Yes, now wait Costello: he puts his on it. Abbott: No, Who puts his on it How Abbott: and what puts his on it Costello: How does the fellas name on base look to you when he signs his name? Who. To you. Abbott: how it does. Costello: How does it look to Who! To you. Who! To you. Abbott: Who! When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you? Abbott: Now how it looks. Who. Costello: How? Who. Costello: Im askin you. Whats the guys name on first base you the money to? Who! After all, the mans entitled to it Who is? Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife down and collects it. Whose wife? Yeah, sure. Costello: All Im to find out is whats the guys name on first base Abbott: What is on base. Im not askin you whos on second. Abbott: on first. Costello: I know. Hes third... Costello: base, I know. Yeah. Costello: You got a Sure. Costello: The fielders name? Why. Costello: I thought Id ask you. Well I just thought Id tell you. Costello: The fielders name? Why!? HmmBecause! Oh, hes centerfield. Oh Abbott: you all these players got Costello: All Im tryin to figure out is the guys name in leftfield. Now, Whats on second. Costello: Im not askin you on second. Whos on first. Costello: I know Both: base. Costello: You got a pitcher on this Abbott: Wouldnt be a fine without a pitcher. Whats his name? Tomorrow. Costello: You want to tell me today? Abbott: Im you. Costello: go ahead. Tomorrow!? Costello: time? What time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna me whos pitching? Now listen. Who is not Costello: Ill break your arm, you say whos on first! I want to know whats the name? Whats on second. Costello: I know. Both: base! Costello: You got a Sure. Costello: The name? Today. Costello: Today. You wanna tell me, tomorrow do you? Abbott: Im you. Costello: So the catchers Today. Costello: Today. And pitching. Now youve got it! Now Ive got it Hey! Costello: All we got is a couple of on the team! Abbott: Well I cant that. Costello: All right. You know now, Im a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and Tomorrows pitching on my team and a heavy hitter up. Yes. Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; Im gonna the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now thats the thing youve said right. I dont even know what Im talkin about! Abbott: Well all you have Costello: Thats all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now got it? Abbott: Naturally. Now got it. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get the ball! Now got it? Naturally. Costello: Naturally. Costello: Naturally. Costello: So I up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. No, no, no, no Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball Abbott: You throw the to first base. Costello: Then who it? Naturally. Costello: So I up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. No! Costello: gets the ball andand You throw the ball to Who. Naturally. Naturally. Costello: Thats Im saying! Abbott: not saying it Costello: I said, I throw the to Naturally. No you dont! Costello: I it to who? Naturally. Costello: what Im saying! No it isnt. Costello: I the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get it. Abbott: So Who it. Naturally. Abbott: it. Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who it? Naturally. Costello: as you! Abbott: Now Costello: I the ball to Naturally. You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it? Naturally. Costello: He get it! So I throw the ball to first base. All right. Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Dont Know. I Dont Know throws it to Tomorrow, triple play. Could be. Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a fly ball to Because. Yes. Costello: Why? I know! Hes on third and I dont give a darn! Whatd you say? Costello: I said, I dont a darn! Oh, thats our shortstop!