(Monsterpiece overture plays as we pan in on Cookie Monster seated in his chair wearing his lovely red smoking jacket.) Monster: Oh hello, this Alistair Cookie here for Monsterpiece Theatre. Tonight another episode in mystery. About a monster trying to guess a town's secret. A town called ... (dramatic music da-dum) Twin Beaks. Oh, excuse me (he runs off stage). (The scene is now a diner, centre screen a booth with a piece of pie on the red-checkered table-cloth. Cookie enters and spies said pie. Twin Peaks music softly in background.) Cookie Monster: Oh ho! Pie ... oh ho ... (speaks into hand-held tape recorder) Diane, this Agent Cookie reporting. Me in town called Twin Beaks. (sits looks around) Darn fine town ... (devours pie) Darn fine pie! (devours plate) Darn fine plate too. Diane, there is one thing me no can find out. Why town called Twin Beaks? Me begin asking questions. Asking questions best way to find out something. (The waitress, a bird with orange feathers, appears her back to us.) Waitress: else I can get you? Monster: Oh ho, hello, yes! You can get me some answers. Waitress: was the question? Cookie Me want to know why town is called Twin Beaks. (Dramatic as the waitress turns to face us. Instead of one beak she has ... two beaks! The effect is one of having split her beak down the middle.) Waitress: Hey I bud into your business do I? Stay out of mine! (she walks quickly away) Cookie Monster: That not darn fine answer! (he sighs, gets out of the booth and walks toward the next table) Me got to ask more people more questions. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey (to the at the next table with their backs to us) Me Special Agent Cookie. First Bird: I'm Finch ... Finch. Cookie Monster: David Finch, good, me like bird who know his own name. Me question. Why this town called Twin Beaks? (Dramatic music as Cookie around for source.) (David Finch up from the table still not facing us.) David Finch: I'll see you ... (turns to face us and we see his two beaks) Laura. (walks away) (Second gets up from the table, this would be Laura.) Oh well, gotta fly. Cookie Monster: Wait, wait, ... you no can give me teensy-tinesy hint? (into Cookie's ear)" It's called Twin Beaks because ... Voice of David off-screen: Come on! Laura: go! Cookie Please oh please, please, please ... Ask the Log Bird. Cookie Monster: The Log David Finch: You coming or (turns to face camera): Yes. (she leaves) Cookie Monster: This town stranger and stranger. Okay! Me look for Log Bird. Hmmm ... (Cookie looks around, the pans to the door as the music builds.) (The door opens and in walks a small bird carrying a log.) Log Bird: looking for me? Cookie Monster: Oh, me, me, me, me. (pointing at each item as he says ...) Log ... ... oh ho ... Log Bird! Me look for you. Log Bird: What's on mind? Cookie Monster: Me want to ask you one simple question. Why town called Twin Beaks? Log Let me ask. Cookie Monster: No, no, no, no. Me asking questions how me find out things. Log Bird: Let me ask my log. Do you know why this is called Twin Beaks? (The log is turned and the log's face is uncovered.) Log: How should I I'm a log! Monster: Ho ha! A talking log! (The Log Bird starts Cookie into the counter.) Log Bird: That's right a talking log! A log doesn't like to be laughed at! (to log) Come on let's get out of here. Cookie Monster (as she leaves): Sorry! (Cookie stands next to an eavedropping counter-bird wiping up as he says into his tape recorder ...) Diane, me hurt a log's feelings today and me no closer to finding out why call this place Twin Beaks. But! Me did notice one thing *very* interesting about the birds in this town. They all have two beaks! (Counter-bird up in shock and quickly leaves.) Cookie Monster: But they no like to talk. Oh well. (spots pie on counter) Time for more of this great pie! (picks up pie and leaves) go, Diane. (Scene changes to the Monsterpiece Theatre set as rushes on and sits down.) Cookie Monster: And that concludes Twin Beaks. Darn fine story ... (cocks head and poses) darn fine actor and ... (picks up pie from out of sightline and devours it) darn fine pie. This Cookie for Monsterpiece Theatre.