Seven o'clock in the somethin' stupid on TV I'm out on the sofa my wife comes in the room and sees me
And she says, Is this the Music' Lynyrd Skynyrd?" And I say, "I don't know, say, it's gettin' cha wanna do for dinner?
She says, "I had a big lunch So I'm not hungry" I said, "Well you know, I'm not either but I could eat"
She said, "So what do you in mind?" I said, "I know, what about you?" She says, "I don't care, if you're hungry eat" I said, "That's we're gonna do!"
"But you gotta tell me What it is you're for!" And she says, "Let me What's in our refrigerator?"
I said, "Well, tuna, I know" She said, "That bad a week ago!" I said, "Is the okay?" She said, "You finished yesterday!"
I hopped up and I said, "I know Do you to get something delivered?" She's like, "Why I want to eat liver? I even like liver!"
I'm like, "No, I said " like, "I heard you say liver!" I'm like, "I know what I said" She's like, "Whatever, I just want any liver!"
Well, I was say something But my cell started to ring Now who could be me? Well I my caller ID
It was just cousin Larry For the third time My said, "Let it go to voicemail" I said, "Okay"
"Where were we? Oh, dinner, So what do you do?" She said, "Why don't you up somethin in the kitchen?" "Yeah?" I said, "Why you?"
And then she "Baby, we just go out to dinner, please?" I says no, she says yes, I no, she says yes I says no, she yes, oh, here's your keys"
I step a bit closer Say, "Okay, ya wanna go?" She says, "How The Ivy?" I said, "Yeah, well I know"
I feel like, gettin all dressed up And eatin' food says, "Olive Garden?" I say, "Nah, I'm not in the
And Burrito King would me gassy no doubt" She says, "Just about it" I said, "No, I I'm gonna take you out!"
Then I get an I say, "I what we'll do!" She says, "What?" I say, "Guess" She says, "What?" I say, "We're to the drive-thru!"
So we out the front door Open the door I open the car doors And we get in car doors
Put my key in the And then I it sideways we fasten our seat belts As we out the driveway
Then we drive to the off to the drive-thru We're the drive-thru close to the drive-thru
Almost at the drive-thru Now we're at the drive thru Here in at the drive-thru Did I mention the
Well, here we are in the drive-thru Me and her Cars in front of us, in back of us All waiting to order
some idiot in a Volvo With his on behind me I lean out the window and "Hey, what cha tryin to do, me?"
My wife says, "Maybe we should We just go eat inside" I said, "I'm bunny slippers So I ain't this ride"
Now a on a speaker box Is sayin', "Can I take order, please?" I said, "Yes indeed, you can like two hamburgers with onions and cheese"
Then my wife "Baby, hold on, changed my mind! I think I'm gonna a chicken sandwich this time"
I said, "You get a cheeseburger!" She says, "That's not I'm hungry for" I put my head in my hands and "I don't who you are anymore!"
The on the speaker says "I don't all day!" I said, "Then our order And be on our way!
"I wanna get a sandwich And I a cheeseburger too" like, "You want onions on that?" I'm like, "Yeah, I said that I do
Plus we need fries And don't you dare it And two medium beers No, one, we'll split it"
Then I said, "I'm guessin' probably not too bright So read me back my Let's sure you got it right"
She says, "One, you want a chicken Two, you a cheeseburger Three, fries and a large root beer" "Stop, go no further!"
"I never ordered a root beer I medium, not large!" she says, "We're havin' a special I you at no charge"
"Oh" And all I could say was "oh" And she says, "Now somethin' else That I think you should know
You can have refills For just a more" I say, "Great, except we're in the So what would I that for?"
Then she says, "Wait a Your voice so familiar, hey, is this Paul? And my wife is all like, "No, that Paul Now me, who's this Paul?
She says, "Oh, just some guy Who to school with me I sat him last year And I copied off of him in
I said, "I a guy named Paul He used to be my He was prematurely And he moved to Pittsburgh last
He also had bladder And a bad infection on his toe" And she says, "Mister, please, you can stop there That's way more I needed to know!"
And we both were quiet And got real intense And then she says, "Next please, That'll be dollars and eighty two cents"
So we inched in line Movin' painfully I got a bored So I on the radio
Click, it off my wife was getting a headache So we both sat there quietly For her
Then I at her And she back at me And I said, "Um I think you have somethin' in teeth"
She turned away me And then turned and said, "Did I get it?" I said, "Yeah, well, I mean, of it But hey, ya know, don't it"
she said, "How about now?" I said, "Yeah, still a little bit there but don't worry It's probably just a of toast"
Now at the pay window Or whatever you it Put my hand in my I can't there's no wallet!
And the lady at the window's "Well well well, be five eighty-two" I turn to my wife and say "How much you got on you?"
She just rolls her and says "I'll pay for I guess" So she reaches her purse And busts out the American
I it to the lady And she says, "Oh It's gotta be cash We take credit cards here"
I took the card and said "Gee, really? that sucks!" And that's when I out My wife was only carryin' bucks
I said, "I you were to hit the ATM today" She says, "I never got to it So your wallet anyway?
And I said, "Nevermind help me to find some change" Now the lady at the Is looking at me kinda
And she says, "Mister, We gotta move line along" I said, "Now hold your stinkin' horses We be long"
So I looked inside the glove box And checked the mat beneath my I a nickel in an ashtray And a pennies and a dime in the space between the seats
Before I had a little pile Of coins of every The counts it up and says "You're still a dollar short"
And now my got this weird look on her face She screams, "You I even really hungry in the first place"
And so I around To the again I and said, "Okay Forget the chicken then"
So I up my change up my receipt And I drive to the window Man, I just wait to eat
And now we see this acne Kid sixteen Wearin' a dorky nametag that "Hello, my is Eugene"
And he me a paper bag I him in the eyes And I say to him "Hey, Could I get ketchup for my fries?"
Well he at me And I at him And he at me And I at him
And he at me And I at him And he says, "I'm did you want again?"
I say, "Ketchup!" And he says, "Oh yeah, that's I just spaced out for a second I'm really of burnt tonight"
And he hands me the ketchup And we're finally drivin' away And the is drivin' me mad With its bouquet
I'm starvin' to By the time we pull up at the traffic I say, "Baby, gimme that I gotta have a bite!"
So she in the bag And out the burger And she me the burger And I up the burger
And I unwrap the paper I bite into those And I can't believe it They the onions!