The Star Struck Banner

There's entertainment news on the hotel tv
They run it for 24 hours
Where stars discuss celebrity
And celebrities talk about stars
And who's having who on so and so's set
The lifestyles of the rich and useless
From queen julia down to king kong
They got everybody singing that song
But everybody's got it wrong

It makes me stutter, makes me stammer
So let's fly it high
The star-struck banner
Here's how it works and here's a spanner
Stick it in!

I know that woman and she can't act
And I know who bought her breasts
Once she wanted to get to grips with me
Now she can't get me off her chest
I saw the photos of their wedding day
Now she's another gay divorcee
Well, they can blame it on the media but I'm not buying
All their crocodile tears or their wolf crying
If you get it and you don't want it
Then you're not trying

It makes me stutter, makes me stammer
So let's fly it high
The star-struck banner
Here's how it works and here's a spanner
Stick it in!

I read the papers, looking for the news
All I see is excuses for irrelevance
If you thought no-one was dying then you'd be excused
It's an insult to the unintelligent
(I burned bright for ten minutes one night
With a girl who had a bit part in ... who cares?
But my hard work failed when she checked my sales
And threw me down the stairs)

Me, I'm just an armchair outlaw
Trying to make ends meet
But when I try a little psycho maths
Well it knocks me off my feet
I've heard there's no gods left anymore
So what do we wanna make these new ones for?
We'll just say our prayers like we know we should
Get on our knees and pray to holywood
But it ain't gonna do us no good

It makes me stutter, makes me stammer
So let's fly it high
The star-struck banner
Here's how it works and here's a spanner
Stick it in!