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Another story I heard myself,
one happend in high school,
we had teacher in high school whose kid went to our high school.
His name was Mr.Macnimara and his son Macnimara went to our high school
he was a sophomore when I was a senior, so he was 2 years me.
And Mr.Macnimara was an
and one he and his wife decided to leave town,
which you never do if you're an asshole.
And Jake Macnimara decided to throw a party at the teacher's
Hurrah!!(sarcastically)
And everyone around town heard about it, and we all got up and thought:
Okay, go over there and destroy the place.
I walked into this party, everyone I had met was there,
and everyone was like it was the end of the world.
People were like it was the Civil War and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off.
It was totally
we were like dogs without horses, we were wild.
I walked down-I down to the basement,
they had a table in the basement,
one dude a running start and threw his body onto the pool table and broke it in half.
Another kid out which room was Mr.Macnimara's and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer.
So the party was great.
I'm in the basement and I'm holding a red cup,
seen movies,
and I'm standing there, and I'm a red cup
and I'm starting to out.
And I guess said like "something, something police"
and in a moment of word association,
I "fuck da police!"
"fuck da police!"
and everyone else in.
A hundred drunk white children "fuck da police"
with the confidence of guys who have like already been to jail and afraid of it anymore.
You know that like "I my nickle, you come and take me" confidence,
but children.
The reason someone had said "something, something police" was because the police there.
So a Chicago officer walked down the stairs, and got to the bottom of the basement
and looked out a sea of drunk toddlers yelling "fuck da police" in his face,
and he was almost
he was "wow".
And he leaned into his walkie-talkie and went "get the paddy wagon".
And my friend John, who is now a man now has a baby,
he grabbed a 40, it on the ground, and yelled "scatter!"
And everyone ran in a direction,
we all ran in directions.
It was like that scene in Rataouille when the come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways,
we all ran in directions.
I ran into the laundry room, and I jumped on the washing machine, and I crawled out through a window the backyard
and now I'm running through the backyard and this big chain-linked fence
and I thought "I've never climbed a fence high before"
and I woke up at home.
On Monday, I to school
because what we did back then.
And I'm walking into the school building and who do I see, but Jake
and he says to me "hey, were you at my on Saturday?"
and I "no", you know, like a liar.
And he said "things got really out of hand, someone broke the pool table, someone a shit on my dad's computer"
"but the worse thing", he says, "the worse thing is that someone stole these old photos of my grandmother, and my parents are freaking out about it."
And I had that thought, that black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have,
did-did I do
I figured no, I wouldn't have that,
but I was never sure until, 2 later.

I'm playing video games with this kid named Alex that we also went to high school
2 later, we've graduated by now.
playing video games for a couple hours and then Alex says to me,
"Hey, here. I want to show you something."
And then he takes me his bedroom, and then he takes me into a side room off of his bedroom.
Never a thing to have.
He shows me a tiny room that is covered wall to wall in antique photos from different people's parties over the years.
And I "why?" (in a whisper)
(still whispering) "why do you do this?"
And Alex said, "because it's the one you can't replace."
That's the end of that story, but how up is that? right?
crazy!
So I don't anymore.

Videos

The One Thing You Can't Replace
The One Thing You Can't Replace
The one thing that you can't replace by John Mulaney
The one thing that you can't replace by John Mulaney
John Mulaney: New in Town - Full Special
John Mulaney: New in Town - Full Special
THE ONE THING (Overwatch)
THE ONE THING (Overwatch)
The One Thing You Can't Replace | Dream SMP Animatic
The One Thing You Can't Replace | Dream SMP Animatic
John Mulaney "The One Thing" Legendado [PT/BR]
John Mulaney "The One Thing" Legendado [PT/BR]
The One Thing You Can't Replace (Demon Slayer Ver.)
The One Thing You Can't Replace (Demon Slayer Ver.)
The one Thing -bnha-
The one Thing -bnha-
The One Thing You Can't Replace
The One Thing You Can't Replace
John Mulaney-The One Thing You Can't Replace-Kinetic Typography
John Mulaney-The One Thing You Can't Replace-Kinetic Typography
Hazbin Hotel - The One Thing You Can’t Replace
Hazbin Hotel - The One Thing You Can’t Replace
Cuphead 'The One Thing' ANIMATIC
Cuphead 'The One Thing' ANIMATIC
(Some of) The Best of John Mulaney
(Some of) The Best of John Mulaney
John Mulaney: New in Town - Ice-T on "SVU" & Old Murder Investigations
John Mulaney: New in Town - Ice-T on "SVU" & Old Murder Investigations
The one thing you can't replace [Persona Q2]
The one thing you can't replace [Persona Q2]
THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T REPLACE (Fontaine animatic)
THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T REPLACE (Fontaine animatic)
The One Thing You Can't Replace ||  A Heathers Shitpost by Galactibun/Spibbles
The One Thing You Can't Replace || A Heathers Shitpost by Galactibun/Spibbles
Sonic The Hedgehog - The One Thing(animatic)
Sonic The Hedgehog - The One Thing(animatic)
Hollow Knight | The One Thing
Hollow Knight | The One Thing
john mulaney moments that live rent free in my head
john mulaney moments that live rent free in my head