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Another story I heard myself,
this one happend in school,
we had this teacher in school whose kid went to our high school.
His name was Mr.Macnimara and his son Jake Macnimara went to our school
he was a when I was a senior, so he was 2 years behind me.
And Mr.Macnimara was an
and one he and his wife decided to leave town,
you should never do if you're an asshole.
And Jake Macnimara decided to a party at the teacher's house
Hurrah!!(sarcastically)
And everyone around town heard it, and we all got up individually and thought:
Okay, let's go over there and the place.
I walked this party, everyone I had ever met was there,
and everyone was like it was the end of the world.
People were drinking it was the Civil War and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off.
It was totally
we were like dogs horses, we were running wild.
I walked walk down to the basement,
they had a table in the basement,
one dude took a running start and threw his body onto the pool and broke it in half.
Another kid out which room was Mr.Macnimara's and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer.
So the party was great.
I'm standing in the and I'm holding a red cup,
you've movies,
and I'm there, and I'm holding a red cup
and I'm starting to out.
And I guess someone like "something, something police"
and in a brilliant of word association,
I "fuck da police!"
"fuck da police!"
and else joined in.
A hundred white children yelling "fuck da police"
with the of guys who have like already been to jail and aren't afraid of it anymore.
You know that "I served my nickle, you come and take me" confidence,
but children.
The someone had said "something, something police" was because the police were there.
So a Chicago officer walked down the stairs, and got to the bottom of the basement
and looked out over a sea of drunk yelling "fuck da police" in his face,
and he was almost
he was "wow".
And then he into his walkie-talkie and went "get the paddy wagon".
And my John, who is now a father-this man now has a baby,
he grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground, and "scatter!"
And ran in a different direction,
we all ran in directions.
It was that scene in Rataouille when the humans come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways,
we all ran in directions.
I ran into the laundry room, and I jumped on the washing machine, and I out through a window into the backyard
and now I'm running the backyard and there's this big chain-linked fence
and I "I've never climbed a fence that high before"
and I woke up at home.
On Monday, I went to
because what we did back then.
And I'm walking into the school building and who do I see, but Jake
and he says to me "hey, were you at my on Saturday?"
and I "no", you know, like a liar.
And he said "things got really out of hand, someone broke the pool table, took a shit on my dad's computer"
"but the worse thing", he says, "the worse thing is that someone stole these old photos of my grandmother, and my parents are freaking out about it."
And I had that thought, that only black out drunks and Steve can have,
did-did I do
I no, I wouldn't have done that,
but I was sure until, 2 years later.

I'm playing video with this kid named Alex that we also went to high school with
2 years later, graduated by now.
We're playing video for a couple hours and then Alex says to me,
"Hey, come here. I to show you something."
And then he takes me into his bedroom, and he takes me into a side room off of his bedroom.
Never a thing to have.
He shows me a tiny room that is covered wall to wall in antique photos from different people's parties over the years.
And I "why?" (in a whisper)
(still whispering) "why do you do this?"
And Alex said, "because it's the one you can't replace."
That's the end of that story, but how fucked up is that?
crazy!
So I don't anymore.

Videos

The One Thing You Can't Replace
The One Thing You Can't Replace
The one thing that you can't replace by John Mulaney
The one thing that you can't replace by John Mulaney
John Mulaney: New in Town - Full Special
John Mulaney: New in Town - Full Special
THE ONE THING (Overwatch)
THE ONE THING (Overwatch)
The One Thing You Can't Replace | Dream SMP Animatic
The One Thing You Can't Replace | Dream SMP Animatic
John Mulaney "The One Thing" Legendado [PT/BR]
John Mulaney "The One Thing" Legendado [PT/BR]
The One Thing You Can't Replace (Demon Slayer Ver.)
The One Thing You Can't Replace (Demon Slayer Ver.)
The one Thing -bnha-
The one Thing -bnha-
The One Thing You Can't Replace
The One Thing You Can't Replace
John Mulaney-The One Thing You Can't Replace-Kinetic Typography
John Mulaney-The One Thing You Can't Replace-Kinetic Typography
Hazbin Hotel - The One Thing You Can’t Replace
Hazbin Hotel - The One Thing You Can’t Replace
Cuphead 'The One Thing' ANIMATIC
Cuphead 'The One Thing' ANIMATIC
(Some of) The Best of John Mulaney
(Some of) The Best of John Mulaney
John Mulaney: New in Town - Ice-T on "SVU" & Old Murder Investigations
John Mulaney: New in Town - Ice-T on "SVU" & Old Murder Investigations
The one thing you can't replace [Persona Q2]
The one thing you can't replace [Persona Q2]
THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T REPLACE (Fontaine animatic)
THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T REPLACE (Fontaine animatic)
The One Thing You Can't Replace ||  A Heathers Shitpost by Galactibun/Spibbles
The One Thing You Can't Replace || A Heathers Shitpost by Galactibun/Spibbles
Sonic The Hedgehog - The One Thing(animatic)
Sonic The Hedgehog - The One Thing(animatic)
Hollow Knight | The One Thing
Hollow Knight | The One Thing
john mulaney moments that live rent free in my head
john mulaney moments that live rent free in my head