Such a Tw*T

Yeah safe man, you okay? Just calling to ensure you got back in
Hope you coped yesterday 'coz I felt well damn grim
But yeah in the air on the plane my stomach was turning
Man I was hanging head-to-stead on the headrest in pain

Prayin' away all my bad sins
Lost count of the plain Chardonnays before the fourth or maybe the fifth
In future I need to abstain, if only I'd had a bit of discipline
But worth every bit of spare change, pure clowning down to the last drink

Hang on let me slam the door, mate
Just pause that thought for a bit

Why did I have to go and do a stupid thing like that?
'Coz yeah it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

I've been pacing the place
Well paralyzed since I got back in with my bags though
Yeah I'm too aware that last night was way mad slack, I know
Carried in a gang I lost sight of Simone on her own, back at home

Distracted from the fact it weren't right
Could have raised up the hand but no
Simone was moaning and
That about me playing away on this holiday

She was watching the box at her Dad's house
There preparing spliffs away
As I'm smacking glasses down at George
Best, best session rate

Can you hear me? Na sorry mate
You're fuzzy mate, I can't hear you

Why did I have to go and do a stupid thing like that
'Coz yeah it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

So, I lost you for a minute, yeah, yeah I can hear you now
See I mean that the true thing though I suppose I chose myself to allow
I was weak and stupid but as far as I viewed anyhow
She couldn't have been it for me the only girl I'd ever go out with

I didn't want to waste my youth in a girl's house to the sound of spliffs
And when she got in a mood with me in that text about that thing
I just switched off the phone when she started shouting
Coming to a conclusion I couldn't be bothered with anymore rowing

Why did I have to go and do a stupid thing like that
'Coz yeah it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat
(Nah nah nah)

And then after shots made me lose the plot, it all got a bit bizarre
And that incident with the ice cream I forgot, it all ended in our vodka
What I can remember is a blotch, I got a fat bruise on my arm

She weren't even much too hot but she totally mugged me up like rah
She knew exactly what she was doing and it all went a bit too far
She was with that bloke in the white top in Mcdonalds' car park
And then she let me chat her up later on in that lovely little bar

Hello? Ahh fucking phones, man!

Why did I have to go and do a stupid thing like that
'Coz yeah it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

Yeah I think we got cut off, yeah I got crap reception in my house
I have to stand in a certain spot in my kitchen or it cuts out
Yeah you know I was potty to even let myself allow it
I would if I could just swap what happened then for right now

And if she ever found out how far it got it would be more than just a row
This whole thing just got on top but it's her that I want, no doubt
So in a way its helped me doing wrong, I know I've fucked up now
This is where that dodgy shit stops, she's just gotta not find out

Why did I have to go and do a stupid thing like that
'Coz yeah it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

Why did I have to go and do a stupid thing like that
'Coz yeah it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat