Speech: Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise

Wise: Boys! And what I was thinking was, er ... would you like to do a number with us, you know, we'd like to do a number together
Beatles: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wise: You fancy that? Great!
Morecambe: Yeah-eh! It's the Kay sisters, they've come! Great! Fabulous!
Wise: The Kay sisters?! This is...
Morecambe: Look, they've dyed their hair!
Wise: ...this is the Beatles!
Morecambe: Hello, Beatle! Where is he?
Wise: Where is he?
Morecambe: There he is! Hello, Bongo! Hey.
Wise: That's Ringo!
Morecambe: Oh, is he there as well? ... oh dear
Wise : Boys!
Morecambe: By golly!
Wise: As you can gather this is Eric. Say hello to Eric.
Morecambe: Yes.
Paul: Hello, Eric!
Morecambe: Hello, mate!
Paul: I remember you, you're the one with the short fat hairy legs!
Morecambe: No, no, no. It's... no, he's the one with the short fat hairy legs. No, him.
Wise: Yeah.
George: We're the ones with the big fat hairy heads. Get out of that!

[George puts his hand (opened flat, palm down, under Eric M's chin when saying "Get out of that".) That was Eric's trick on Ernie (a running gag). "Get out of that, eh? You can't can you!!". If that's not funny to you, you had to be there!]

Morecambe: Hey! Hey-hey! What's it like being famous?
John: Well, it's not like in your day, you know.

[John, insulting them, by saying they are oldies with this remark! Makes a gesture of "very far away" with his hands]

Morecambe: Ha! That was an insult, that is!

Morecambe: You didn't expect that, did you?
Wise: No!

Morecambe: What do you mean "not like in my day"?

John: Well, me dad used to tell me about you, you know.
[John indicated with his hand how tall he was, when his Dad told him ... just a little kid. Eric misunderstands (deliberately) ...
Paul: ... In the old days.
Morecambe: You've only got a little dad have you?

Morecambe: [mocking] Yer dad used to tell yer, that's a bit strong, innit? Alright, Bonzo!

Wise: That's Ringo!
Morecambe: Yeah, him as well!

Morecambe: Get 'em off, you've done enough.

[Pretending their "time slot" is up, get them off the stage, or done enough damage with their behaviour :) ]

Wise: What do you mean "done enough"?
Morecambe: No, well I'm getting insulted now ...

Wise: No. Look, what I was going to suggest was let's do a number with the boys!
Morecambe: Oh yes! One that the dad will remember. That I used to do, with your dad.
Wise: You go and get changed.
Morecambe: Yes, I will, right.

Wise: What do you think we should do, boys? What about something that's more suitable for Eric's age?
John: "Moonlight Bay".
Wise: "Moonlight Bay".
John: Yeah.
Wise: So ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna make history on television. For the first time we have Morecambe and Wise and the Beatles presenting to you that wonderful old fashioned number "Moonlight Bay". You all remember the number. Okay, fellows, that's great, you look marvellous! You ready?

John/Paul: Aye

Paul: Alright, ready.
Wise: Alright, we'll take it from the top.
Wise: Okay, Kenny, thank you