We wish you happy holidays, you may be So merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, or heck all modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie Love, The Updated Carol Team You'd not judge, you better not hate not bully or discriminate Progressive coming to town He's a list of gluten free foods He won't take a peek at nudes Santa's coming to town He's 50 races And all for tax He'll protect all children Well, as long as they've been Rudolph the Red Nosed Rudolph the red nosed (reindeer) Had an nose (he outlived his friends) He passed his red traits on (traits on) Darwin said that's how it (evolution's not a theory) did you know that your baby boy supports the NRA Mary did you know that baby boy is white the halls with kujichagulia Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa zawadi, hang benderas Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa Throw your up in the air-uh You're a one, Mr. Grinch You're in finesse That greenish epidermis determines success Mr. Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to an outlier, Mr. Grinch You give the a fright They say your is 3/5ths normal You're either wrong or Mr. Don't walk the streets of Whoville you might fight a cop the will not indict I'm dreaming of a racially ambiguous Away in a manger with and crew His schmeckle got cut hey Christ was a Jew O holy night, the stars are brightly It is the Jesus did something holy Joseph golf, his leather chair reclining As birthed a child, I think a donkey was involved Three wise men came, with GPS found him Christ lied in a barn, as his omniscient baby-daddy him in crawled on his knees His mom shared it on O device! O night, Christ celebrated Christmas