Poor Thing

Isn't there a room up there over the pie shop?
If times are so hard why don't you rent it out?
That should bring in something
Up there, oh no, I no go near it, people think its haunted
You see, years ago something happened up there
Something not very nice

There was a barber and his wife
And he was beautiful
A proper artist with a knife
But they transported him for life
And he was beautiful

Barker his name was, Benjamin Barker
Transported? What was his crime?
Foolishness

He had this wife, you see
Pretty little thing, silly little nit
Had her chance for the moon on a string
Poor thing, poor thing

There were these two, you see
Wanted her like mad, one of them a judge
T'other one his beadle
Everyday they'd nudge and they'd weedle
But she wouldn't budge from her needle
Too bad, pure thing

So they merely shipped up for blighter off south, they did
Leaving her with nothing but grief and a year old kid
Did you use her head even then? Oh no, God forbid
Poor fool, ah, but there was worse yet to come
Poor thing

Joanna, that was the child's name
Pretty little Joanna, go on
My, you do like a good story, don't you?

Well, Beadle calls on her all polite
Poor thing, poor thing
The judge, he tells her, is all contrite
He blames himself for her dreadful plight
She must come straight to his house tonight
Poor thing, poor thing

Of course when she goes there
Poor thing, poor thing
They're having this ball all in masks
There's no one she knows there
Poor dear, poor thing

She wonders, tormented and drinks
Poor thing
The judge has repented, she thinks
Poor thing
"Oh, where is Judge Turpin?" she asks
He was there, alright, only not so contrite

She wasn't no match for such craft, you see
And everyone thought it so drull
They figured she had to be daft, you see
So all of them stood there and laughed, you see
Poor soul, poor thing

No, would no one have mercy on her?
So it is you, Benjamin Barker