Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, way back a long time ago
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Bolman, oh, thank you Frank
And don't misspell it, that's not Marc Bolan
That's Mark Volman

Hiya friends, I wanna welcome each
And everyone of you, I wanna say to you tonight
I feel great, I mean, I feel great
Everywhere I go people are always comin' up to me
And they say Mark, Mark, Mark

Mark are you kiddin', lemme tell you this friends
I am not kiddin', I mean, I am portly and I am maroon
Well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am?
Ah, I can't guess what you are

Well, then I'll give you some clues
And the first clue is, I am portly
Does that help? Not much
No, I don't know who you are

Okay, I got one, clue number two
I am double knit, does that help?
No, not much, whaddya mean?

Well, then I've to give you one more clue
I know this is gonna give it away
And I hate like damn to tell you this
But clue number three
Ich bin Maroon!
Ah you're a sofa!

Once upon a time, way back a long time ago
When the universe consisted
Of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Volman, thank you, Frank

Trying to convince each and every member
Of this extremely hip audience here tonight
That he was nothing more, nothing less

Than a fat maroon sofa
Suspended in the midst of a great emptiness
A light shined down from heaven

And there he was ladies and gentleman
The good Lord and he took
He took a look at the sofa
And he said to himself
"Quite an attractive sofa"
"This sofa could be commercial"

With a few more Margaritas
And the right company
However, I digress
"What this sofa needs" said the Big 'G'

"Is a bit of flooring underneath of it"
And so in order to make this construction project possible,
He summoned the assistance of the celestial corp of engineers
And, by means of a cute little song in the German language

Which is the way he talks whenever it's heavy business
The good Lord went something like this
Take it away Jim Pons

Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa

Everybody
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa

And of course ladies and gentlemen that means
Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa
And sure enough boards of oak appeared
Throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits

Stretching all the way from Belfast to Bogner Regis
And the Lord put aside his huge cigar
And proceeded to deliver unto the charming
Maroonish sofa, the bulk of his message

With the assistance of a small electric clarinet
And it went something like this
Take it away Jim Pons

Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa

Everybody
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa

And of course ladies and gentlemen, that means
Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa

And sure enough boards of oak appeared
Throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits

Stretching all the way from Belfast to Bagner Regious
And the Lord put aside his huge cigar
And proceeded to deliver unto the charming
Maroonish sofa the bulk of his message

With the assistance of a small electric clarinet
And he went something like this