Now, I'll ya a tale that'll bust yer heart only a few people knew, ta start It all took place when our concert tour was booked at the Hilton? guarantee ev'ry word's the Gospel truth Got witnesses ta it, too, 'Cause we all with a fella by the name a' Milton
Now was o-fficial tour director, Electrical piano-playin' plug An' the slave-drivin'-est conductor we ever seen in our lives He'd say "Whaddya mean, ya need rest? "The world don't care whether ya yer best! "Simply up promptly at six A.M. with your instruments ...and your wives!"
in sorta of "Bringing In The Sheaves" way] Shall we gather at the
He'd always in the nick a' time A good minutes ahead a' flight time A-lookin' like been drug through a needle's eye He'd stand there, stoned and about ta On his Egg McMuffin an' his Coke An' then throw all the tickets on the counter and say "Check the and let's fly!" "Well, whaddya mean, this is too weight? "We got forty-six pieces a' freight! "And if it don't go, who's gonna it to our fan club in Tacoma?"
We'd all get an' head for the plane While Milton stood there, profane But somehow he always managed ta get on board ...in sort of a
When the drinks were up yonder...
Well, we at th' other end All the trouble seemed to commence Though Milton had ordered three station wagons, a pickup truck and a And though he'd phoned ahead to Number Two an' fussin' an' turnin' blue We'd always end up two Datsoons and a Pinto
Now Milton all a' that stuff in stride Laid on the floor, an' kicked an' But we always up to him for hope and salvation But we'd sink to the bottom a' trav'lers When he'd us in a remote motel And he'd grab the clerk by his an' tie an' say "Whaddya mean, reservacines?"
Milton's bolder...
He'd shut himself in one-oh-four Let in 'til he swept the floor Adjusted the lampshade, aligned the TV, the faucet, called the promoter "Well, whaddya mean we're the show? "You're puttin' me on! stars, ya know! "And ain't the way we was treated last summer at Six Flags Over Dakota! "Now we gotta a hunnert percent top billing, "Two-thirds in advance, a' course, you silly! "I'm sure we prefer a limosine and two air-conditioned dressing rooms, please. "I'm what? Well, your wife! She's not? Well, to each his own. "Beg pardon, it in my what? Well, really, Merle who?"
William Morris, us working...
Now, was a real good friend a' mine An' we'd together on down that line But there was one or two points over we just had to dee-bate Like Is not necessarily an assurance that the crowd ain't gonna start throwin' An' when ya arrive at for a five o'clock show An' the stage ain't an' there's no electricity all ya could do is sit on yer butt an' cut bait However, you give ol' Milton four bodies, a nine-foot grand, a beer and a cigarette An' you just knew that show was be ...outta state
Bringing in the in the bread...
Now one up there in Washington We get paid for a show we'd done An' poor ol' Milton couldn't live with that; his brain shorted out. Well, he himself in the bathroom An' then when he didn't out for an hour an' a half We figgered that somethin' was wrong, but we had to remove all We stood in shock and horror we busted down that there bathroom door And I hope I never see a sight like again; no, I don't There was nothin' to do but close our eyes, an' bow our heads, an' a silent five-part acapella hymn, for him
What a we had in Milton...
Now we're gettin' ready, next December To put another concert together And I'm sad to say ol' Milton ain't be with us No, it gonna be exactly the same When introduce us without his name So Milton, wherever you are, we you miss us! See, Milton has moved on down the Over the rainbow, lookin' for Yeah, he's up there the stage lights is always on But we forget that curly hair When last we saw him a-settin' Holdin' his tambourine, suckin' his thumb, an' asleep on the john